Various...

Here are a few quotes that I had left on my phone...

"If I die, fill my coffin with cheesecake and cider" - Matt

"Big box, little box, cardboard fish" - Harly

"Who took that photo?" - Georgia
"A goat" - Matt

"I will break your hand with an axe!" - Tane, to Peter
He's only 6! Already threatening people about 9 times his age...


Also here are some quotes from the facebook page 'I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything':

I hate it when you're with Lil Bow Wow and he keeps on asking you 'where my dog's at?'. Not only is it appalling grammar, he clearly isn't responsible enough to have pets!

I hate it when Madonna and Justin Timberlake are too busy standing on cars to save the world

I hate it when Bruce Springsteen dances in the dark and knocks things over. Idiot.

I hate that Aerosmith are constantly watching me because they don't want to miss a thing, it's unnerving.

I hate that I always find 50 Cent in da club. Does he even have a house to go home to?

I hate it when you're alone with Elvis and he's got a suspicious mind...

I hate the fact that Starship were given permission to build a city of rock and roll, it's just irresponsible.

I hate it when you're a weather man. Bewitched blame everything on you.

I hate being with No Doubt. They never let me speak.

I hate how One Republic hold a grudge. I said I'm sorry, ok?!

Latin Joke

I came across this on a friend's facebook page and looked it up out of curiosity. It's a rather bad joke, but brilliant under those circumstances, lol. Apparently it's quite an old joke...

"Semper ubi sub ubi"

(Technically meaning 'Always where under where')
There was also another one next to the explanation of this one:

"Ubi o ubi est meus sububi"

Though this was not explained, I think it is quite obvious when you know the first one...

George Bush and POTC2

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them" - George Bush

A couple of quotes from POTC 2

"It's real!" - Elizabeth
"You were actually telling the truth." - Norrington
"I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised." - Jack

"There will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing." - Elizabeth
"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." - Jack

Facebook group

"I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves!"

There are also some rather awesome Vulcan pick up lines, and also Christian pick up lines - I may put some of these on at a later date...

"Your floor is more hoovered than my floor" - Harly

"I can't believe I got cut by a duvet" - Harly

"This quiz is like the lottery, you have to pay a pound to play but you have to answer questions to get the money" - Matt

From 'Bumper Stickers'

They're not really bumper stickers because I found them on the internet, not on cars, but they're still referred to as that...

'Let's eat Grandma!' or 'Let's eat, Grandma!' - punctuation, it saves lives

There's a fine line between speaking with a British accent and sounding drunk.

If you noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing.

The fact that you don't understand does NOT mean that it doesn't make sense.


Oh yes, and here are a couple I had on my phone but hadn't got around to putting up...

Overheard at Tesco
"Can we get some of this?" - Girl
"No, you're not colouring your hair, you're seven!" - Her dad

On a T-shirt
"I aim to please. But I often miss."

Soul Survivor

"I think I'm a bit hysterical, I'm kind of laughing at anything." - Hazel
"I know, that's why I'm talking to you. A budding member of society." - Clare

101 Favourite Comic Poems

I recently got out a book of amusing poems (title above), and I decided to put some of my favourites on here :). Of these, I particularly like 'On Taking a Wife', 'Weather Forecast' and 'Limerick about Limericks'.

Engraved on the Collar of a Dog, which I gave to His Royal Highness

I am his Highness' dog at Kew;

Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
- Alexander Pope


A limerick about misunderstanding

There was an old fellow of Tring
Who, when somebody asked him to sing,
Replied, 'Ain't it odd?
I can never tell God
Save the Weasel from Pop goes the King.'
- Anon

A Case

As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today -
I wish to God he'd go away!
- Anon


On Taking a Wife

'Come, come,' said Tom's father, 'at your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.
It's time you should think, boy, of taking a wife.'
'Why so it is, father. Whose wife shall I take?'
- Thomas Moore


A Limerick about Eccentricity

There was an old loony of Lyme,
Whose candour was simply sublime;
When they asked, 'Are you there?'
'Yes,' he said, 'but take care,
For I'm never "all there" at a time.'
- Anon


Weather Forecast

The rain it raineth every day,
Upon the just and unjust fella,
But more upon the just, because
The unjust has the just's umbrella.
- Anon


A Limerick about Health

There was a faith-healer of Deal,
Who said, 'Although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin
And it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel.'
- Anon


Limerick about Limericks

There was a young man of Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
When they said it was so,
He replied, 'Yes, I know,
But I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can.'
- Anon

Quote from ages ago...

Just found a quote that I wrote down but never put on here. It's from January-ish I think. Talking about our crazy temporary art teacher.

"Doesn’t she remind you of a dinner lady? Like, a really posh one" – Alex C
"Kind of like a dinner lady but Mrs Doubtfire all the way" – Neesha
"With some kind of massive drug intake" - Abbie

I also found a quote from one of the Twilight books, probably Eclipse. I'll probably note down more quotes from the Twilight series at some point, next time I read them.

“Does that mean that he’s a better kisser than I am?” Jacob asked, suddenly glum.
“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.”
“Besides me”
“But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”

From my trip to see Carol

"Yes, it's economically sound, but isn't it just a bit pointless?" - Simeon

From some of the quotes in a very cool t-shirt shop:

What if the Hokey Cokey really IS what it's all about?

I'm not bossy

I just have better ideas

I'M NOT TENSE

I'm just terribly terribly alert

I'm not weird

I'm gifted

nice person

wrong planet

Of course I don't look busy

- I did it right the first time.

The Liver is

EVIL

and must be

PUNISHED

Teehee, good stuff.

College quotes

These are mainly various quotes that I have found scrawled in margins of my pukka pad.

"Are you planning on being your usual self in front of the ofstead people?" - Robert, to Mills

"If I came in and said 'me saw the dog', you'd either think I was regressing or I thought I was Tarzan. I can assure you that neither of those is true" - Jason
"You mean you're not Tarzan?" - Chloe
"Only on weekends" - Jason

Handing out class assessment thingies (I'm not 'officially' in the class)
"You don't get one because you don't exist" - Mills, to Hazel

"Be careful, you don't know where she's been" - Mills, about Max

After a conversation about how our college used to be a boys school - talking about girls:
"Is that why you're so horrible to them, because they don't belong here" - Tony, to Mills

"Is that your artistic skills up on the board?" - Robert
"Yes, that's my earthworm" - Mills
"It's lovely, but why has it got demonic red eyes?" - Robert

"Treat the examiner like they are a half-wit, 50% of the time it'll be true anyway" - Jason
Lol, he was just joking btw - he's an examiner himself!

"Are you here?" - Mills
"Apparently" - Robert
"He didn't die" - Jelena
"Yes, I'm quite pleased, I think I should get a certificate" - Robert

"What are you on, Robert... Valium?" - Mills

And here are some quotes that the class wrote in Mills' thank-you card that was given to him today:

"I hate you a great deal" - Mills, to student

"Oi, you barbie girls, shut up and do some maths!" - Mills

"Robert, keep your bitch on a leash" - Mills, about Max
I vaguely recall this though it is one of the more unusual Mills quotes

'SUA GOWI - Shut Up And Get On With It'
Occasionally written on the board in acronym form...

"Can you help me?" - Student
"Probably not" - Mills

"Jelena's been sent to Kosokov for terrorist training" - Mills

Plaques

These were on plaques at my cousins' house :P

"Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree"

"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be confusing me with the maid we don't have"

Doo wop wop

Here's a couple of quotes off my phone...

"I say that to stop the little children from biting my toes" - Kat
"Does that happen often?" - Clarky

"I sort of wish I had a twin 'cause I do think the world would be a better place with another me" - College student
I got this quote while walking from college to the train station - the person was behind me and I overheard the comment which I found rather amusing...

These are a few quotes that Carol has on badges, I saw them the other day and severly coveted them :P

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
"No more Ms Niceperson"
"Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light"
"667 - the neighbour of the beast"

The Swan Princess

"'What else is there?'! She says, 'Is beauty all that matters?' and you say, 'What else is there?'!" - Rogers
"It was dumb, I know!" - Prince Derek
"You should write a book, 'How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less'" - Rogers
I love this, though the language-obsessed section of my mind was still thinking 'fewer!'

"Think! You must see something other than Odette's beauty" - Rogers
"Of course I do, Rogers. She's like, you know, how about... and then... I mean right?" - Prince Derek
*Rogers raises his eyebrows*

Quotes off my phone

Whenever I don't have a pen and paper handy (generally, any time when I'm not in lessons at college) and I hear an interesting quote, I briefly type it into my phone. I usually then forget about it. As I have now remembered, I thought I'd better put the few quotes saved on my phone into a blog now, before I forget again.

12/02/09

In choir - we were singing a strange Old English thing (see bottom of post for lyrics).
"The reason I chose this is because it's Valentine's Day on Saturday and this is a love spell. So if you can find some oaken ashes and a mute... you know. *shrug*" - James

"Elvis has risen from the dead, in the form of my sunglasses." - Ray

11/02/09

"Do your friends all look like you?" - Amy
"No! They look normal." - Dave C


Right, I just thought it might be interesting to put the strange love spell song (I think it was based on a poem or something) here. I've just found a copy of it on the internet, not sure if it's exactly the same thing we were doing (I think we may have had another verse or something) but you'll get the gist. Note the weird spelling...

Thrice tosse these Oaken ashes in the ayre;
Thrice sit thou mute in this inchanted chayre:
And thrice three times tye up this true loves knot,
And murmur soft shee will, or shee will not.

Goe burn these poys’nous weedes in yon blew fire,
These Screech-owles fethers,
and this prickling bryer,
This Cypress gathered at a dead mans grave:
That all thy feares and cares an end may have.

Then come you Fayries, dance with me a round,
Melt her hard hart with your melodious sound;
In vaine are all the charms I can devise,
She hath an Arte to breake them with her eyes

*bop*

Yes, here are some quotes, from about Nov 08 til now. They're roughly in chronological order.

I loved the quote from Peter's T-shirt (one of the Peters in my Sign Language class):
"You probably don't recognise me without my cape"

"If you think about time-travel too much your head explodes, believe me" - Jason
...
"I don't think your head exploded as you've still got one" - Chloe P
"Well, I could be a lobster and have grown a new one" - Jason
Jason is our fantastic English Language teacher - I think we strayed a little from the lesson plan here.

Talking about syntax in active and passive voiced sentences
"Is there any time when the action would move in the sentence?" - Martin
"Only if you're Yoda" - Jason

"My eyes flashed before my life!" - Chloe P

"Do you do much Spanish at home?" - Nathan
"Not really" - Hazel
"I swear you pick it up like... a piece of cheese" - Nathan

"I do skip home, I'm happy at the end of the day" - Jason
He was replying to a student's comment after he used the example sentence 'Singing merrily, I skipped home'

"Holly, if you'd like to go down there and join the gentlemen, and Martin" - Jason
It may be a classic, but it was still entertaining...

"I'm a new man, 21st century, of course I can sew" - Jason

After Carol ran past the front of the car just when Sparkle started driving:
"You wouldn't have had any legs!" - Sparkle, to Carol
"Sure she would, they just wouldn't be very useful" - Helen

"You're like the anti-Kat. You know what you want before you've even seen the menu, but she doesn't even know what she wants after she's eaten it" - Gemmel, to Dan

"That was the highlight of our art lesson" - Nadine
"Peeling glue off your hand?" - ? (friend of Nadine's whose name I don't know)
"Yes" - Nadine

From 'Quotes of the Year'

"With Tony Blair it really was like trying to nail jelly to the wall. In contrast, with Gordon Brown, the jelly's already stuck to the wall. It is just a question of taking aim at it." - Former Tory leader William Hague on the relative parliamentary skills of the prime minister and his predecessor

"They leave me alone now. I'm too bleeding old. They are frightened I'll drop dead." - Sir Michael Caine, 74, on the paparazzi

"I'm just a simple president, but I think God created the earth, created the world. I think the creation of the world is so mysterious it requires something as large as an almighty and I don't think it's incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution. I happen to believe that evolution doesn't fully explain the mystery of life." - George W Bush delivers his views on the science versus religion debate

"I am no longer at risk of being called a bloody nuisance. I am a bloody nuisance." - The Prince of Wales on his alleged politicisation

"I got a death threat the other day. I haven't had one for years and was so chuffed somebody thought I was still dangerous." - Former Labour MP Tony Benn

"It is, I fear, impossible to imitate, as it is a product of random and competing forces of nature." - London Mayor, Boris Johnson, on receiving the award for Best Celebrity Hair of 2008

Old quotes

Am clearing out/organising all my files on my computer and have just found a word document with quotes in it, so I thought I'd put them on now, not sure when they were from. Probably this year... *shrug*

“Please don’t talk to my son; he finds it hard to distinguish you from reality” – Philip (Benny's dad)
Don't remember who he was talking to but it's amusing nonetheless

*Plane flies overhead*
“What’s that? Is it my UFO coming home?” – Benny
“I wouldn’t be surprised” - Phillip

“Have I told you the joke about the high wall? I’d better not, you’d never get over it” – Benny
Oh dear, it's like a Christmas cracker joke...

Saw a guy with a t-shirt saying...

"Sex, drugs and sausage rolls"

National Treasure 2

A couple of random ones...

"Bring all your horses, and your sister too" - Mr Bertram, Mansfield Park

"So the idea is to find x1 and y1 using... yes" - Mills

Now, National Treasure 2 quotes... [By the way, it's a great film, go see it]

"Women, can't live with them, especially if they change the alarm codes" - Riley, whilst decoding the alarm
"You did that in 25 seconds" - Ben
"That's why I tell people to get a dog" - Riley

"How'd you get in, Ben? ... Riley, come out here" - Abigail

*Ben pleading for Abigail to let him examine the document - Abigail is walking away*
"Please, Abigail, one look under infra-red... you can have the boston tea tables" - Ben
*Abigail smiles then turns around with a stern look on her face*
"Both of them?" - Abigail
*Switches to them examining the page*

*In Buckingham Palace*
"You're the one who's making a scene right now" - Ben
"I'm not making a scene" - Abigail
*in Ben's earpiece* "No, we want to make a scene" - Riley
"WELL THEN FINE! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT THEN LET'S HAVE IT OUT RIGHT NOW!" - Ben
*in earpiece* "Ah, so subtle" - Riley

"What is going on?" - Abigail
"I'm sorry for getting you roped into this but you were excellent back there" - Ben
"Oh, thank you, so were you *smiles*" - Abigail
"When did you figure out it was a fake argument?" - Ben
"When did you figure out I was actually arguing during the fake argument?" - Abigail
"Right in the middle there, the part where 'I always assume that I'm right'" - Ben
*Abigail nods*
*talking into his hidden mike* "Riley get us out of here" - Ben
"Which I don't get, 'cause if I turn out to be right after I assume that I'm right then I'm correct, yes?" - Ben
"When you get to a conclusion without asking and you happen to be right, you got lucky" - Abigail
*nods* "I get lucky a lot" - Ben

"Just because you may know what my answer is going to be doesn't mean you don't have to ask me" - Abigail

*In the dumbwaiter - Ben holding a bouquet of flowers - for show when they get upstairs*
*Ben sniffs* "You're wearing the perfume I bought you" - Ben
"So?" - Abigail
"I think it smells kind of pretty" - Ben
"It's the flowers" - Abigail
*in a sing-song voice* "No it's not *flutters eyelashes*" - Ben
*Abigail shakes her head with a slight smile*

Ah yes, I couldn't be bothered to type it all out as you really have to see the scene, but I love the part when Ben's parents see each other for the first time in 32 years and argue about a trip they took and a travel case not being packed.

"I kidnapped the president, the FBI is on their way here right now and I'm sure they'll love to meet you too. They'll find us both and arrest us both and that path doesn't lead to the city of gold does it?" - Ben, talking to Mitch
...
"Which president? The President?" - Emily (Ben's mum) talking to Patrick (Ben's dad)
"I thought it best not to tell you" - Patrick