Easy A

"Hi, is there an Olive here?" - Brandon
"There's a whole jar of them in the fridge" - Rosemary (Olive's mother)
"Oh, I'm sorry I must have the wrong address" - Brandon
"Just kidding, come in, any friend of Olive's is a friend of our daughter's" - Rosemary

"What are you doing?!" - Brandon
"Relax, Jesus, what is it with you gays, are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there, a gnome?" - Olive

"He seems like a nice kid, he seemed a little incredibly gay" - Rosemary
"Dyed in the wool homosexual that boy is" - Olive
"I just want you to know, your father and I are totally supportive. We love you no matter what the sexual orientation of your opposite sex sex-partner." - Rosemary
"We're not dating mom" - Olive
"And don't worry about not making us grandparents, although we were kind of hoping you'd get knocked up, so we'd have a second shot at raising kids, really do it right this time." - Rosemary
"Bye now" - Olive
"You know, I dated a homosexual once. For a long time. A loooong time." - Rosemary

"Can I help you with something?" - Bookseller
"The Bible" - Olive
"Oh, that's in best sellers, right next to Twilight" - Bookseller

"You left your glass slipper at the party last night." - Todd
"Yeah, and I got pumpkin all over my dress too, C'est la vie." - Olive
"La vie" - Todd
"Nice, solid joke." - Olive

"I was just wondering if there was a minister around... Is it not a minister? A reverend? A wizard?" - Olive

"Is everything alright? It sounds like you're having sex up here, which I know can't be true due to the fact that you have a homosexual boyfriend." - Dill (Olive's father)

"Where are you from originally?" - Dill, to his adopted son Chip

"That's the promotion for this movie. Put your crackers away, see Easy A" - From film commentary

A bit of TV/Radio/Film

“He was so rich he’d given his manners to a charity shop” – Sandi Toksvig, The News Quiz

"I get Guantanemo mixed up with guacamole" - Jeremy Hardy, The News Quiz

"Isn't it because you're from the professional show-biz cookery world and you want to keep telling us that it's a very special art when really cooking is just making food a bit hotter" – Frank Skinner to Gregg Wallace, Room 101

"Where's my coffee pot?" - Ally
"I broke it. If you were on Twitter you'd know that already." - Colin, What's Your Number?

"You are a cynical crapehanger who always sees the glass as half empty." - Sondra
"No, you're wrong, I see it half full but, of poison" - Sid, Scoop

"I think you’re wrong on that." - Hodges
"I’m sorry?" - Morgan
"Oh, don’t be sorry, just be wrong." - Hodges, CSI

Ah, Housemates

"The light was flickering so I punched it 'cause I thought it would help" - Matt

"You. You brought Prince Phillip into this!" - Harly, to Matt

"It's like having a dog, but it can speak back to you... you don't have to put a nappy on a dog." - Matt, on the topic of children

"All I really need is a hob and a toaster, I don't need a wife" - Matt
(admittedly, this sounds more sexist than it was in context)

"It's like the boy who cried wolf, but with toilet roll" - Matt

"I don't know how to make myself look more oriental" - Hazel
"Carry a dragon" - Harly

"I didn't say anything!" - Hazel
"I heard you with your tone of eyes" - Harly

"This is definitely a student house; I'm standing here eating bits of flapjack out of a bowl and you're eating a cucumber, one slice at a time." - Matt, to Hazel

At a Vineyard Worship Evening

"I was just thinking, this would not be the place to collapse from a medical condition, 'cause everyone would just think it was the Holy Spirit. See, in a Church of England, if someone collapsed, they'd get help!" - Clare