Doctor Who

"Where did you learn to cook?" - Craig
"Paris. In the eighteenth century. No, hang on. That's not recent is it? Seventeenth? No no, twentieth. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order." - Doctor
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?" - Craig
"They never really stop." - Doctor

"Now all I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong." - Doctor
"Have you seen you?" - Amy

"You. Me. Handcuffs. Must it always end this way?" - River, to the Doctor

"You've swallowed a planet." - Doctor
"I'm pregnant." - Amy
"You're huge." - Doctor
"Yeah, I'm pregnant." - Amy
"Look at you! When world's collide." - Doctor
"Doctor, I'm pregnant." - Amy
"Oh, look at you both! Five years later and you haven't changed a bit. Apart from age and... size." -Doctor
"Oh it's good to see you Doctor." - Amy
"Are you pregnant?" - Doctor

“Aw, my boys, my poncho boys, If we're going to die, let's die looking like a Peruvian folk band” - Amy

"Oh please. Have you always been this disgusting?" - Amy
"No. That's recent." - Doctor

"You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the Universe!" - Doctor
"You wouldn't answer your phone!" - River

"Are you married, River?" - Doctor
"Are you asking?" - River
"Yes" - Doctor
"Yes" - River
"No. Hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me or asking if you were married?" - Doctor
"Yes" - River
"No, but was that yes or yes?" - Doctor
"Yes" - River
"River. Who are you?" - Doctor
"You're going to find out very soon now. And I'm sorry. But that's when everything changes." - River

A bit of TV/Radio/Film

“He was so rich he’d given his manners to a charity shop” – Sandi Toksvig, The News Quiz

"I get Guantanemo mixed up with guacamole" - Jeremy Hardy, The News Quiz

"Isn't it because you're from the professional show-biz cookery world and you want to keep telling us that it's a very special art when really cooking is just making food a bit hotter" – Frank Skinner to Gregg Wallace, Room 101

"Where's my coffee pot?" - Ally
"I broke it. If you were on Twitter you'd know that already." - Colin, What's Your Number?

"You are a cynical crapehanger who always sees the glass as half empty." - Sondra
"No, you're wrong, I see it half full but, of poison" - Sid, Scoop

"I think you’re wrong on that." - Hodges
"I’m sorry?" - Morgan
"Oh, don’t be sorry, just be wrong." - Hodges, CSI

"He reminds me of mouldy cottage cheese that's gone angry..." - Jess, about Gordon Brown

From 'The Mentalist':

"I didn't go to high school, this is kind of fascinating" - Jane
"You never went to high school?" - Lisbon
"No, I was busy" - Jane

"I panicked, as soon as you said they were killed I knew you were gonna blame me, and my brain said 'just run'" - Suspect
"Your brain's a fool" - Cho

Just a couple of quotes here

"Tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector; goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg in certain places... whether you want it to or not actually so I've got to stay away from hens; it's not pretty when they blow" - The Doctor, from the episode 'Blink'
(Doctor Who obv.)

"Do you think it's safe to eat breakfast?" - Dan

Roswell Season One - Balance

"Max likes cherry cola, what does Michael like?" - Liz
"Cherry cola with arsenic?" - Maria

Don't know if I've already put this one up but I've discovered that I can watch a whole lot more Roswell episodes on youtube so I watched 'Balance' and thought it was a good quote to put up :P.

"We're leaving now, Alex do you need a ride?" - Isabel
"What I really need is a sedative" - Alex

Tuesday 17th October
"People called Olly are retards. It's a fact of life." - Dan

"I can't kiss him without laughing" - Alice, about Dan

"Get up, gravity is not on my side" - Alice (trying to get up after lying on Dan and Dan trying to trip her up)

"You broke her leg!" - Jodie
"Don't exaggerate. We broke Clarky's leg" - Dan
"Yep, that's right" - Clarky

"... see?! Isn't that stalking. But I'm not spreading it. I'm not telling anyone! I mean, I just told you, but that was... explaining the situation!" - Jodie
Emma had been apparently saying that Jodie was spreading rumors about her [Emma] stalking someone

"I tell lies, that's part of the fun of my job" - Kate (Computing Teacher)

Wednesday 18th October (Today)
"I'm a happy flap" - Dan

"I'm an atheist, let me pray" - Dan, thinking of oxymorons (He's actually agnostic)

*There was another quote - need to ask Dan, I think he wrote it somewhere...

Desperate Housewives
"Please, you're dating my wife, call me Rex" - Rex, to George
Just starting to vaguely get into Desperate Housewives under the Dan influence...