College quotes

These are mainly various quotes that I have found scrawled in margins of my pukka pad.

"Are you planning on being your usual self in front of the ofstead people?" - Robert, to Mills

"If I came in and said 'me saw the dog', you'd either think I was regressing or I thought I was Tarzan. I can assure you that neither of those is true" - Jason
"You mean you're not Tarzan?" - Chloe
"Only on weekends" - Jason

Handing out class assessment thingies (I'm not 'officially' in the class)
"You don't get one because you don't exist" - Mills, to Hazel

"Be careful, you don't know where she's been" - Mills, about Max

After a conversation about how our college used to be a boys school - talking about girls:
"Is that why you're so horrible to them, because they don't belong here" - Tony, to Mills

"Is that your artistic skills up on the board?" - Robert
"Yes, that's my earthworm" - Mills
"It's lovely, but why has it got demonic red eyes?" - Robert

"Treat the examiner like they are a half-wit, 50% of the time it'll be true anyway" - Jason
Lol, he was just joking btw - he's an examiner himself!

"Are you here?" - Mills
"Apparently" - Robert
"He didn't die" - Jelena
"Yes, I'm quite pleased, I think I should get a certificate" - Robert

"What are you on, Robert... Valium?" - Mills

And here are some quotes that the class wrote in Mills' thank-you card that was given to him today:

"I hate you a great deal" - Mills, to student

"Oi, you barbie girls, shut up and do some maths!" - Mills

"Robert, keep your bitch on a leash" - Mills, about Max
I vaguely recall this though it is one of the more unusual Mills quotes

'SUA GOWI - Shut Up And Get On With It'
Occasionally written on the board in acronym form...

"Can you help me?" - Student
"Probably not" - Mills

"Jelena's been sent to Kosokov for terrorist training" - Mills

National Treasure 2

A couple of random ones...

"Bring all your horses, and your sister too" - Mr Bertram, Mansfield Park

"So the idea is to find x1 and y1 using... yes" - Mills

Now, National Treasure 2 quotes... [By the way, it's a great film, go see it]

"Women, can't live with them, especially if they change the alarm codes" - Riley, whilst decoding the alarm
"You did that in 25 seconds" - Ben
"That's why I tell people to get a dog" - Riley

"How'd you get in, Ben? ... Riley, come out here" - Abigail

*Ben pleading for Abigail to let him examine the document - Abigail is walking away*
"Please, Abigail, one look under infra-red... you can have the boston tea tables" - Ben
*Abigail smiles then turns around with a stern look on her face*
"Both of them?" - Abigail
*Switches to them examining the page*

*In Buckingham Palace*
"You're the one who's making a scene right now" - Ben
"I'm not making a scene" - Abigail
*in Ben's earpiece* "No, we want to make a scene" - Riley
"WELL THEN FINE! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT THEN LET'S HAVE IT OUT RIGHT NOW!" - Ben
*in earpiece* "Ah, so subtle" - Riley

"What is going on?" - Abigail
"I'm sorry for getting you roped into this but you were excellent back there" - Ben
"Oh, thank you, so were you *smiles*" - Abigail
"When did you figure out it was a fake argument?" - Ben
"When did you figure out I was actually arguing during the fake argument?" - Abigail
"Right in the middle there, the part where 'I always assume that I'm right'" - Ben
*Abigail nods*
*talking into his hidden mike* "Riley get us out of here" - Ben
"Which I don't get, 'cause if I turn out to be right after I assume that I'm right then I'm correct, yes?" - Ben
"When you get to a conclusion without asking and you happen to be right, you got lucky" - Abigail
*nods* "I get lucky a lot" - Ben

"Just because you may know what my answer is going to be doesn't mean you don't have to ask me" - Abigail

*In the dumbwaiter - Ben holding a bouquet of flowers - for show when they get upstairs*
*Ben sniffs* "You're wearing the perfume I bought you" - Ben
"So?" - Abigail
"I think it smells kind of pretty" - Ben
"It's the flowers" - Abigail
*in a sing-song voice* "No it's not *flutters eyelashes*" - Ben
*Abigail shakes her head with a slight smile*

Ah yes, I couldn't be bothered to type it all out as you really have to see the scene, but I love the part when Ben's parents see each other for the first time in 32 years and argue about a trip they took and a travel case not being packed.

"I kidnapped the president, the FBI is on their way here right now and I'm sure they'll love to meet you too. They'll find us both and arrest us both and that path doesn't lead to the city of gold does it?" - Ben, talking to Mitch
...
"Which president? The President?" - Emily (Ben's mum) talking to Patrick (Ben's dad)
"I thought it best not to tell you" - Patrick

Various quotes...

Yeah, am now 'emptying' the back of my pukka pad and bits of my planner of their briefly scribbled quotations. But first, one that Carol quoted to me from something she saw on the internet somewhere (this is my current msn name):

"Make awkward sexual advances, not war"

Now on to the other stuff, starting from two where I know the dates...

23/06/08
"Pretzel" - Dan
"Oh, I didn't write that one" - Hazel
"What? You left out half our friendship!" - Dan
"If half our friendship was pretzels I don't think we had much of a friendship" - Hazel
I'd just been writing in Dan's leaving book and 'pretzel' is one of the things he attempts to rhyme with 'Hazel'

31/03/08
"I'm just a disnumerate maths teacher" - Mills

And a bunch where I don't know the dates (In the order of where they were in my diary and pukka pad):

Talking about silly class evaluation forms 'SPOC's (though we don't know what it stands for)
"Whoever makes these should be shot, or made to fill in SPOCs for the rest of their lives in a dungeon deep underground" - Franky

"*Reading from the SPOC* 'My teacher asks learners for their views on how it can improve the course, teaching and facilities'. So am I an 'it' now?" - Franky

"We're buggering off to University to get drunk" - Becky
Ah yes, the essence of university... ?

"It's bare confusing, like a multi-coloured bear; wow that's confusing" - Dan
I think it was more funny at the time...

"You look like someone from Chicken Run" - Hazel
"... I don't know how to respond to that" - Becky
Random comment in choir; she really did! It was the expression on her face, I'm not saying she looks like a cartoon chicken or anything. Yeah, another one of the 'you had to be there' moments.

"I'll give you this so you can thingy the doodah innit" - Franky

"He's about as creative as a bowl of cornflakes" - Franky, about Henry

"Sometimes I don't think you love us Chris" - Harry, talking to our maths teacher

"It should be 'u'" - Harry
"Yeah, but I don't like you" - Mills

"I'm going to miss a great deal; that's a whole hour of picking on Murray I'll miss!" - Mills

Next three quotes: Having a very random discussion in psychology about the possibility that Jesus has come back and is currently a small child, soon to grow up and change the world.

"He'll get his magic powers at 16, it's like Sabrina the teenage witch!" - Faye

"Even if this 'Jesus' was real, you're not a snail, so you don't have a point" - Faye

"He will in 2012 turn me into a snail" - Rai
(This whole conversation originated from Faye drawing Rai as a snail)

Part of John's sermon on one of the Sundays - talking about the ability to find your way places (and about sat navs)
"A great quote of mine, as Rosemary knows, is 'Don't worry dear, I'll get a feeling when we get there' ... and two hours late Rosemary says 'We do have a map'" - John P

"Sorry I'm late, I wasn't going to come in 'cause I was feeling ill" - Mary
"Ah! But you've recovered because you couldn't stay away from my charisma" - Alan

"I'm not going to stab anyone! If it's any crime it's going to be rape isn't it" - Joe
Talking about an offensive T-shirt Joe wore to college and our psych teacher started talking about how small things gradually become larger things until people stab each other and stuff.

Yeah, so hope you enjoyed the quotes, not sure when I'll next have any...

Really old quotes

Unknown dates but one of them was dated 29/06/07 - these were written on the back of my refill pad.

"Be quiet Maxwell and his friends" - Kate
"We're not his friends" - Matt B

"That's straight and this is like you, bent!" - Mills?
I didn't write down who said this but I do believe that it was Mills talking to one or another of the guys in our class. It's the sort of comment he tends to make.

"I need the... um..." - Hazel
"-notes?" - Fahima
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Oh, um thingymabob's got them" - Fahima
"'kay" - Hazel
And I did know what she was talking about....

"Isn't Galileo one of the teenage muntant ninja turtles?" - Becky

"Students were revolting, literally" - Alan
This is not a general Alan-esque comment and I don't remember the context at all...

*Having a conversation about Dumbledore's death*
"What are you doing?" - Mills
"We're doing lots of maths and not talking about Harry Potter" - Greg

Quotes I found in my diary and pukka pad

Um yeah, probs from a while ago, I have dates for some of them... This is the problem with scribbling them down and forgetting the dates. Hmm.

"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat" - Anna (Julia Roberts), Notting Hill

Quotes with no date:

"So the Whig government was impotent; what does impotent mean?" - Alan
"Can't have babies?" - Nina
"Uh, well, technically yes... but not in this context" - Alan

Doing the course assessment thingy
"So, how can we improve History?" - Nina
"More singing" - Tom
"Alan dressed as a power ranger. The blue one." - James

"I have the attention of a goldfish today, a goldfish that is, um.." - Beki
"A dead goldfish?" - Hazel
"Yes, a dead goldfish." - Beki

14/02/08
"Joe, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Yes, I'm learning hatred" - Joe
"Faye, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Uh, yeah" - Faye
"She's learning my hatred" - Joe
"Yeah" - Faye
*Stephanie goes back to her typing*
Our teachers are so concerned about our learning...

13/02/08
"Right, I'm off, I'll see you tomorrow, it's a joy and a pleasure taking your money." - Franky (Art teacher)

06/02/08
Looking at a student-made 'Land league' poster
"So, what is that they're holding?" - Alan
"Torches and Pitchforks" - Tom
"And what are they going to do to him" - Alan
"... Sit down and have a civilised conversation?" - Tom
Loving it :P

"Don't forget, we work on the principle 'If Murray can do it, anyone can.'" - Mills

07/12/07
"This is the one topic where you can draw 'offensive' images and get away with it, so if you want to, feel free." - Substitute teacher
Human reproductive behaviour and sexual selection - Psychology.

21/11/07
"Imagine being raped to death, it would be so weird!" - Michael

"He only gets A grades because he distracts everyone else which brings the grade boundary down." - David, about Ed

Good Times

28/09/07

We met a cat on our way home, (s)he followed us (and we encouraged him/her), these comments were made...

"That's a weird noise" - Dan

"Don't meow, it's not that far" - Dan

"That's not even a real noise!" - Dan

In reference to the above statement in italics
"Shall I just change it back to 'him'?" - Hazel
"No, I'm gay, gender confusing is very bad, it's not good for my species" - Dan

24/09/07

"Just shut up, I hate you..." - Mills

"Time flies when you're doing maths" - Harry

Boo!

Today - 17/09/07
"Yay! It's Hitler; I missed him" - Becky

"Lower level brain.. Murray" - Mills
"Yeah? ... I shouldn't have responded to that, eh" - Murray

"Look! My scab is a person!" - Carol
Um, yeah. Drawing on her legs. An attempt to stop Dan and my pen fight. Which really hurt actually... And took ages to scrub off.

"But I was on your side!" - Dan
"Yes, literally!" - Hazel
Yeah, playing bowling on the Wii. I was winning so he sat on me and made me have my go from lying on my side with him sitting on me...

"Women have PMT, Men have too much testosterone; I'm just going to marry a plant" - Dan
Cue comments about 'too much chlorophyll'.

16/09/07
"My dad had another dad when he was little, isn't that weird" - Alex (age 5 - I think)

"I'm pregnant!" - Benny
"How did that happen?" - Carol
Sparkle's 6 year old brother trying to distract him :P.

"Benny, why don't you sit down somewhere where you can spill your drink in a safe way" - Sib
Mother's are clever.

"Why are you knitting animal carcasses?" - Phillip
"Because I had some purple wool and nothing better to do with it" - Carol

"Dad, I'm going to do something very silly" - Benny
*Phillip laughs*
"That would be a change" - Phillip

"They're not hooker boots" But if I were to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a hooker I would wear them" - Carol

Today!

"Harry doesn't count, he's not really human" - Mills

11/09/07
Going through the lonely hearts adverts for psychology coursework
"Look at this one 'Help! I have no social life.', it's so sad" - David
"Ring them up!" - Rai
"I would but they're looking for gay females... I suppose if they don't have any social life they can't be picky" - David

Old quotes... (and one from today)

10/09/07
"Go away smelly first-years!" – Mills

20/06/07
"Are there scenes of explicit nature?" - Harry
"Naked numbers" - Neville

"What is it about mathematics that makes their hair recede so quickly?" - Harry

"It's like carbon paper, but it's... not got the carbon" - Jayne

Um, yes.

24/05/07
"Who's that man with the testicles on his face?" - Tash
She really meant tentacles (Davy Jones) but it took a while for her to figure out what she said/why we were all laughing, and rephrase it. Aww, bless, I love Tash :P.

POTC3:
*In the midst of fighting (being married by Barbossa) - shouting*
"Do you take me as your husband?!" - Will
"Yes!" - Elizabeth
"... Great!" - Will

From a while ago?:

"Actually this is strange, you're going to start from question 1" - Mills

"We're not going yet, put your stuff away" - Mills
He meant - don't put your stuff away, lol.

"You're my security blanket" - Dan
"Well you'll have to sleep with me then" - Nat
Dan's comment: Smooth Nat

Quite a bit older - not sure from when:
"So you're allowed to smoke in the park but not if, like, the park has a... ceiling" - Rai

"There's nothing worse than a *insert word from list below here* student" - Kate
List: lazy, time-wasting, banging; there are more but I don't really remember them - anyone remember more?
This is the terrible Kate quote, used repetitively, again and again and again and again and... well you get the picture.

"I want to eat myself, that's bad" - Kat 2 (and her tasty lipgloss)

"It's gotta be good if it's got a prostitute in it" - Dan/Hazel (we both said it at different times) - talking about films
We then watched 'The Wedding Date', excellent film.

"Ok, and that makes me a retard" - Mills
Lol, he thought I'd done it wrong when really I hadn't - it was in degrees, not radians.

"4÷2 is 8!" - Mills
"Just wait! Chris is on a roll" - Graham

"If I'm in a bad mood I'll eat an apple" - Dan, on healthy eating

"I still think it's a jolly good night for a murder" - Hastings, from 'Murder in the Mews' - Poirot

18/05/07
"A lot of trees have died so that you could have these revision packs, please make sure their deaths were not in vain" - Kate

*To the tune of 'Close to You' by the Carpenters - say the 'Jeremy' bit quickly*
"Why does Jade fancy Jeremy so, even though, he says no" - Rai
*end song*
"'cause she's a rapist" - Jeremy
"Aw, you're just hiding your own feelings" - Jade
"For Jeremy?" - Rai
"Yeah" - Jade
"It's so true" - Rai
:P

"I was just going to see his penis but it was really good!" - Faye about Equus
Lol, reading this quote it sounds like she's saying the penis was really good not the play. But it's the play she meant if you didn't know.

"Yeah, everyone either pretended to be gay, loved the Nazis or cut themselves" - Jeremy, commenting on the 'categories' of his secondary school
...
"Yeah, I was a gay, nazi-loving cutter" - Jeremy
Lol

"I long to be tortured by someone named Charisse but I can see that you do not share my taste" - Henry, from 'The Time Traveller's wife'
Very good book.

03/05/07
"The Hazel-Ann, sounds like a pub" - Jacqueline
"Great, my name sounds like a pub..." - Hazel
"Or a ship of some kind" - Jacqueline

24/01/07
"And that's what we're going to do, unless we do something else" - Mills

I know that I have a couple more quotes somewhere on a piece of cardboard under a running out pad of refill but I'm not sure where I put it... well, when I find it they'll go on here too...

09/05/07
"Yes, it's horrible, it reminds me of you" - Mills
I think this was aimed at Sedgie but it could have just been a general comment to the class

It appears I haven't put these on yet...
From last week:
"Well, Dan was here *waves to the left of her* and forgetting I had this arm *points to left arm* I tried to hit Dan with my other arm and ended up hitting myself" - Emma
Lol, Dan had actually already told me this story and been very amused by it

"I still want to create that machine to zap annoying students" - Kate
"Why don't you?" - Viraaj
"Because A. it's illegal, and B. I don't know how" - Kate

Josh's 'practical' comment on the situation:
"You can just ask me and I'll slap him around the head" - Josh

Rai's birthday :o

08/05/07

"... because psychology is weird and wonderful and vague" - Paula

"We're the best table in the world; if a table could fly, it'd be ours" - Matt
Lol, yeah, we're the best...

"sec²x = tan²x + 1; and just for fun we could do this..." - Mills
...
"This is the highlight of my day" - Graham
...
*in a mundane tone*
"I can't contain my excitement." - Greg
"Oh yes, I can hear it in your voice." - Graham

"Sedgie" - Mills
"Hello" - Sedgie
"Shut up" - Mills
"Okay" - Sedgie
Usual maths interaction.

Evening - Rai's birthday thingy

""There's so much chicken in this chicken!" - Kat (a different one)

"Why don't you just keep digging that hole, you might tunnel out" - Danica

Side note: Met Danica and Bethany today and they're both lovely :)

Hello

19/03/07

"I like these formulas best of all" - Mills
Ah, maths teachers

"Move, you bloody peroxide princess" - Ellis , to Scott
Scott had been holding the door shut with his foot - or attempting to anyway.

"Are you sure you're not a lesbian?" - Dan
"I'm not a lesbian" - Nat
"How about now?" - Dan

"I miss people sometimes but my aim is improving"

12/03/07
"Can you tell me what to put there, Dopey?" - Mills
"Umm... some numbers" - Sedgie, aka Dopey
Ahh maths... we are such an intelligent lot :P

"Please, just give me a sine!" - Greg in Maths
NB: May have been inspired by a comment from another class member...

Yay! More quotations are good.

Random un-dated quotes:
"I haven't got both marks" - Paula
"It's 'cause you're a fool" - Michael
*Paula gives him the finger*

"Yes Mr Eye-contact" - Kate to Viraaj

"If I have your attention I would appreciate it because I'd like you more" - Kate

17/01/07
Talking about History stuff- basically Stewart not conforming to Nazi ways at the time.
"What would he fall into" - Natalie
"Asocial" - David
"Prostitute, homosexual..." - Viraaj

"What if I said I had a criminal record for violent crime" - Natalie
"Wouldn't be a surprise" - David
*Insert random 'oooh's and comments*

Random quote which Dan talked about, don't know who said this but I think it may have been to a male: "If we were in Iraq, you would be my wife"

09/01/07
"Mr concentration span of a flea... not looking at anyone in particular as it applies to several of you" - Kate

"So remember that in your exam, don't do a Sophie" - Paula

05/01/07
"You had to be there." - Dan
"I was there!" - Hazel

"These aren't made for people like me!" - Jodie
"Retards?" - Dan and Clarky in unison

"Who should have pet Bambis?" - Hazel
"Everyone!" - Chelsea
Not sure why we were talking like this... I think we were actually talking about something to do with Barbies... I think it was because of prawns on a barbie or something :S

NB: Quote given to me by Chelsea: "Have you ever tried to get jelly out of a sleeping bag?" - Kimberly

"I walk into doors without noticing" - Chelsea
"I think you'd notice" - Hazel
She meant 'without meaning to'

"I put my door to my ear" - Chelsea

"It's his birthday, Clarky deserves to be ran after" - Dan

"Clarky deserves to be ran after" - Dan
"Ran over?" - Hazel
Dan thought this part deserved it's own quoty bit.

15/12/06
"Listen, there's no Star Wars, no Godfather and no Bambi!" - Natalie
The boys were suggesting many different ideas for films to watch - the actual ones we were supposed to be watching were History videos, lol.
NB: Robert Carlyle makes a brilliant Hitler in "Hitler: The Rise of Evil".

13/12/06
"I eat my pens"
...
"Well, not eat them, but chew them" - Matt
How many people do you know who eat pens? Mmm... Pen swallowing...

"Could you at least cough in an Australian accent?" - Paula
Paula was having an Australian accent day, she has them occasionally, she does have a fantastic talent for an Australian accent I must say, she was making us all answer the register with "G'day" and I think it was Kiera who coughed at her name...

"Yeah, I don't believe in luck, I believe that you have to make your own luck" - Stewart/Steven (Both commenting)
"If there was no such thing as luck then how would you make it?" - Natalie

11/12/06
"All the chinese girls did well, all the chinese boys badly" - Mills
"Maybe I'm a chinese girl" - Sedgie

mm.... quotes

Today - 13/11/06
"Why don't I just kill myself, I'll do a Hitler" - Chloe

"Who feels like a chopped tomato?" - Mills
... After naming a can of chopped tomatos after Graham
"I've always thought he looked like a chopped tomato" - Mills

"I'm sane, me; woof" - Matt

"Now, someone's going to ask the horrible, stupid question" - Mills
"Matt?" - Graham
"Can we go home now?" - Matt
Generally the 'horrible, stupid questions' are of course questions from our inferior knowledge of Maths

01/11/06
"I've been replaced!" - Rai
*Dan starts to move towards her*
"That doesn't mean I want you back!" - Rai
After Dan attached himself to Rai and previously Faye, (Hugged them round the neck and didn't let go...)