Ah, listening.

"I am masculine! I have weights." - Matt
"Be honest, you're not masculine, Matt" - Harly
"I did some sewing last night" - Matt
"I don't think you're helping yourself" - Harly

"Are they married?"
"Yes, I'm pretty sure they are, if they're not, there's far too much kissing going on"

Overheard conversations

"Aww, I love you" - Guy
"I know" - Girl
"And... do you love me?" - Guy
"I said it earlier." - Girl

In the kitchenware section of IKEA
"OH LOOK, IT'S THERE!" - Guy 1
"Shh!" - Guy 2
"It's perfect!" - Guy 1
"It's just a tray, Stuart" - Guy 3

Ten second songs

These are a few 'ten second songs' taken from Alessandra Rizzotti's blog, not quite sure why I came across it, I think it was a link from Facebook. Anyway, so I read it and picked out a few that I like. They're based on e-mails from her mother.

‘Sweaters’

Sweaters are warm/But not as warm as you/You’re as toasty as toast/Like a heater from Home Depot/Gosh, that’s cute that I said that because I love Home Depot, especially their curtains section

‘First Period. Hysterical’

First period/It was a mess/Don’t worry, I’m referring to an educational class I took in seventh grade/I believe it was mathematics

‘Purse’

Purse/I want an expensive one/Like one from Burberry/Don’t you have money to get me one?/Of course not/You have a low paying job/Why didn’t I ever force you to become an engineer?

‘Is The Cat Thing Going to Happen Or Are You Going to Let Me Down?’

Are we getting these cats or are you letting me down?/Don’t make me frown/I’m not in the mood/I just want a cat to squeeze/But not so that it bleeds…(because that would get messy and I’d need some carpet cleaner)

Facebook Groups

Just a couple of group names I found on Facebook that quite amused me

Leonardo DiCaprio never died in Titanic - the end scene of Titanic is of him going underwater. The beginning scene of Inception is him waking up on a beach. It's like a movie within a movie.

'I'm a ninja'
'No you're not'
'Did you see me do that?'
'Do what?'
'Exactly.'

Soul Survivor B 2011

As well as some amazing teaching and great worship there were many entertaining moments of Soul Survivor. I noted a few funny quotes down (mostly from Sanga's talks, so brilliant) which I thought I'd share here...

Talking about girls dreams vs boys dreams
"Batman, Spiderman, Superman - they weren't fantasies for us growing up. They were options." - Sanga

"That night I had enough testosterone in me to jump start a dead elephant. I wasn't Bambi, I was a wild stallion!" - Sanga

Talking about getting old
"Here we visit portaloos. There will come a day when we are a portaloo. At the moment, things work. One day, they'll drop off." - Crofty

"As the great philosopher Edmund Blackadder once said 'Life is like a broken pencil... pointless.'" - - Mike P

"When the bride comes down the aisle, I like to look at the groom, to see if he'll cry. In my church they nearly all cry 'cause they're a bunch of wimps." - Mike P

"You know, when boy meets girl, and girl meets testosterone." - Sanga

"You're going to see some images of Haman now... well that's not Haman, that's a goat." - Sanga

"My grandma used to call me daddy long legs ... I used to want to punch granny in the moustache" - Sanga

Talking about chat up lines
"You might have a Christian guy called Will, who goes up to a girl and says 'My name's Will... God's Will'" - Sanga

Sanga used the first of these quotes below in his talk, and I got distracted surfing the net and found some more I wanted to post, so these are quotes from kids about love and marriage

How would you make your marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, 8

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, 9

When is it okay to kiss someone?
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. - Curt, 7

What's your best advice about love?
Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love. - Erin, 8

Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:

'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!' - Eddie, 6
'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.' - Larry, 8
'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.' - Bob, 9
'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?' - Arnold, 10
'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!' - Will, 7

Toilet Door Quotes

There was a street art exhibition on near me recently and one of the things they exhibited was one of the female toilet doors from a local pub which had lots of things written on it, here are a couple of those things:

"I'm celebrating my love for you with a pint of beer and a new tattoo"

"I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

New Layout

I thought it was time for a change, so finally updated the look of this blog, I like it very much :). I also found how to put the labels in the side bar so it's easier to navigate the quotes!
I may start to do only 1 quote per post (or divide them into the people) so that you don't come up with a massive post when you just wanted to find a quote by one person. I wouldn't go back and change previous posts - except perhaps the 'Random' ones which could do with a bit more specific labelling.
Hope you like it! :)

JLS!

"Oh, I keep forgetting I have knees" - Harly

"It's going to be a pass the parcel drinking game, but you can choose what you drink shots of, so those who don't want to get drunk can just get really hydrated" - Jess

"I thought the cards were in the pack but then I realised it was jelly" - Matt

"I can't count with my mittens on" - Matt

"They look like JLS!" - Jess, really loudly in the street, while pointing at 3 white guys walking past us
I'm guessing she meant the coloured tops, lol, they gave us a really weird look...

"Oh! Add water, not liquid nitrogen!" - Alex

Brigands M.C.

"'I'll remember that,' James nodded, as his attention turned back to his crêpe. 'So how did I do?'
'Good,' Martin said. 'It's a bit doughy in the middle because you used too much batter, and when we get a real customer I'd recommend more pleases and thank-yous and slightly less of the threatening to fry their face and shag their ex-girlfriend.'"
- From 'Brigands M.C.' by Robert Muchamore

"Vengeance or death! ... Hopefully vengeance." - Hogsqueal (Spiderwick Chronicles)

Various Quotes I kept here and there...

"Snow is my favourite type of precipitation" - Matt

"How do blobs contribute to the sum of human happiness?" - Colin

"Hey you, sexy church, stop doing that" - Carol, paraphrasing Paul

"Do these onions taste juggled to you?" - Harly
As you can probably guess, we'd been juggling the onions...

"You have a sticker on you" - Jess

"Yes, I'm for general use" - Alex (tutor)

Someone decided to put the stickers from the machines on our tutors - another tutor was apparently 'for trained use only'.

From films:

“What’s her deal? – John Tucker
“I don’t know, I think maybe she’s not your type” - Scott
“Girl is my type” – John Tucker

“... All these squishy parents nowadays wanting to be friends with their kids. Kids don’t need more friends, they need old, scary people to intimidate them!” – Mr Stratford

Random...

These are various quotes that I had stored on my phone, I don't remember who said some of them though!

"I was weaseling" - ?
"What is that?" - ?
"It's not trying to catch weasels with your bare hands is it? 'Cause that would be awesome!" - Ali

"Yeah but Orlando Bloom is definitely gay" - Tim
"How do you know this? Did he hit on you?" - Naomi F

*Matt mumbles*
"What did you say?!" - Jess
"No... I want to keep my testicles." - Matt

"I'm taking my slippers off, it's getting serious now" - Matt

From Summer Events:

"If I wanted to get in the national papers, I would do something scandalous and unChristian." - Tom

"Unzip my genes" - on the back of a biology students' hoodie

"I could be your Boaz" - On a guy's t-shirt at Momentum

Grace. Amen.

Well, we've had a book of 'Pocket Graces' for rather a long time, but I came across it again yesterday, so thought I might put up some of the graces from it that particularly amused me :).

Graces for organisations:

The Army:
Thank you, Lord, for this Mess. Amen

The Navy:
No chaplain. Thank God. Amen.

Humourous Graces:

God bless this bunch as they munch their lunch.

For porridge and for buttered toast,
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

This is the day the Lord has made,
Thanks for the toast and marmalade.

For well-filled plate,
And brimming cup,
And freedom from the washing up.
We thank you, Lord. Amen.

Lord, as we begin this new day,
Help us not to be like porridge,
Stiff and stodgy and slow to stir,
But like cornflakes,
Crisp and light and ready to serve.

Thanks for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
If it weren't for you I'd be much thinner.

Graces by children:

Dear Lord Jesus, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think about food too much. I dream of all the delicious things there are to eat when I really should be doing other things.
Please help me not to make food so important and help me not be greedy at meal times.
Amen.

Dear Father God,
Thank you for the food we eat, especially the chips and hot dogs.
Thank you for the hot dog man who makes them for me.
Amen.
- Ajay Jilka, aged 6

Dear God,
Thank you for the cheese and peanut butter and jam for my sandwiches.
- Adam Martin, aged 5

Thank you, God, for all our food.
Thank you for keeping the fishermen safe when they are at sea catching fish for my dinner.
Amen.
- Henry Miller, aged 6

Facebook group name...

"Dear A-levels, you are slowly destroying me as a person. I hope you're happy."

Also a comment made on this page:
"ahhhh screw everything. it's cider time :)"

"He reminds me of mouldy cottage cheese that's gone angry..." - Jess, about Gordon Brown

From 'The Mentalist':

"I didn't go to high school, this is kind of fascinating" - Jane
"You never went to high school?" - Lisbon
"No, I was busy" - Jane

"I panicked, as soon as you said they were killed I knew you were gonna blame me, and my brain said 'just run'" - Suspect
"Your brain's a fool" - Cho

"I thought if you just kept pressing 'OK' it'd all be ok" - Jess

"Wine, I love wine. I'm actually not supposed to have wine because it makes me inappropriate." - Jess, after having quite a bit of wine at our exhibition opening...

That ended up being quite an amusing evening, lol.

"Easyjet are like 'come rain or shine or volcanic ash, we're flying'" - Tabbi

"She's 4"9' you're 5 foot, that's 1 inch difference" - Friend of Jess

Berlin etc.

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid
This was on a t-shirt someone was wearing in Berlin. I think I've come across the quote before, but thought I'd post it nonetheless :)

"Was he balancing it up his arm?" - Georgie
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Skinny and talented" - Georgie

"Hazel's living on the dark side!" - Sophie
"The dark side?" - Lucy
"I mean the wild side..." - Sophie
Commenting on crossing roads in Berlin, lol...

"A good friend is one who gets crab out of your hair for you" - Cat

"I didn't escape a fire to inhale more smoke, ok?"
I overhead someone say this when we were all standing outside uni (some people smoking) after the fire alarm went off (due to a smoke machine being used in the new media department...)

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the precipitate
I saw this on a t-shirt on the CU training weekend :P

"I've kind of been taking all her roles" - Jonny
"Ham or cheese?" - Matt

"Duvets are a girl's best friend" - On Nai's jumper

"Doesn't he look like he should be in Harry Potter? He's a wizard, I know it." - Jess (about a guest speaker)

"My braincells are falling off the side of my head..." - Colin

"Just make sure you sign in on the floaty, floaty register thing" - Colin
Yay for floaty, floaty register things?

"Children are basically dangerous psychopaths that we change into human beings" - Gordon (lecturer)

Various...

Here are a few quotes that I had left on my phone...

"If I die, fill my coffin with cheesecake and cider" - Matt

"Big box, little box, cardboard fish" - Harly

"Who took that photo?" - Georgia
"A goat" - Matt

"I will break your hand with an axe!" - Tane, to Peter
He's only 6! Already threatening people about 9 times his age...


Also here are some quotes from the facebook page 'I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything':

I hate it when you're with Lil Bow Wow and he keeps on asking you 'where my dog's at?'. Not only is it appalling grammar, he clearly isn't responsible enough to have pets!

I hate it when Madonna and Justin Timberlake are too busy standing on cars to save the world

I hate it when Bruce Springsteen dances in the dark and knocks things over. Idiot.

I hate that Aerosmith are constantly watching me because they don't want to miss a thing, it's unnerving.

I hate that I always find 50 Cent in da club. Does he even have a house to go home to?

I hate it when you're alone with Elvis and he's got a suspicious mind...

I hate the fact that Starship were given permission to build a city of rock and roll, it's just irresponsible.

I hate it when you're a weather man. Bewitched blame everything on you.

I hate being with No Doubt. They never let me speak.

I hate how One Republic hold a grudge. I said I'm sorry, ok?!

Latin Joke

I came across this on a friend's facebook page and looked it up out of curiosity. It's a rather bad joke, but brilliant under those circumstances, lol. Apparently it's quite an old joke...

"Semper ubi sub ubi"

(Technically meaning 'Always where under where')
There was also another one next to the explanation of this one:

"Ubi o ubi est meus sububi"

Though this was not explained, I think it is quite obvious when you know the first one...