Various quotes...

Yeah, am now 'emptying' the back of my pukka pad and bits of my planner of their briefly scribbled quotations. But first, one that Carol quoted to me from something she saw on the internet somewhere (this is my current msn name):

"Make awkward sexual advances, not war"

Now on to the other stuff, starting from two where I know the dates...

23/06/08
"Pretzel" - Dan
"Oh, I didn't write that one" - Hazel
"What? You left out half our friendship!" - Dan
"If half our friendship was pretzels I don't think we had much of a friendship" - Hazel
I'd just been writing in Dan's leaving book and 'pretzel' is one of the things he attempts to rhyme with 'Hazel'

31/03/08
"I'm just a disnumerate maths teacher" - Mills

And a bunch where I don't know the dates (In the order of where they were in my diary and pukka pad):

Talking about silly class evaluation forms 'SPOC's (though we don't know what it stands for)
"Whoever makes these should be shot, or made to fill in SPOCs for the rest of their lives in a dungeon deep underground" - Franky

"*Reading from the SPOC* 'My teacher asks learners for their views on how it can improve the course, teaching and facilities'. So am I an 'it' now?" - Franky

"We're buggering off to University to get drunk" - Becky
Ah yes, the essence of university... ?

"It's bare confusing, like a multi-coloured bear; wow that's confusing" - Dan
I think it was more funny at the time...

"You look like someone from Chicken Run" - Hazel
"... I don't know how to respond to that" - Becky
Random comment in choir; she really did! It was the expression on her face, I'm not saying she looks like a cartoon chicken or anything. Yeah, another one of the 'you had to be there' moments.

"I'll give you this so you can thingy the doodah innit" - Franky

"He's about as creative as a bowl of cornflakes" - Franky, about Henry

"Sometimes I don't think you love us Chris" - Harry, talking to our maths teacher

"It should be 'u'" - Harry
"Yeah, but I don't like you" - Mills

"I'm going to miss a great deal; that's a whole hour of picking on Murray I'll miss!" - Mills

Next three quotes: Having a very random discussion in psychology about the possibility that Jesus has come back and is currently a small child, soon to grow up and change the world.

"He'll get his magic powers at 16, it's like Sabrina the teenage witch!" - Faye

"Even if this 'Jesus' was real, you're not a snail, so you don't have a point" - Faye

"He will in 2012 turn me into a snail" - Rai
(This whole conversation originated from Faye drawing Rai as a snail)

Part of John's sermon on one of the Sundays - talking about the ability to find your way places (and about sat navs)
"A great quote of mine, as Rosemary knows, is 'Don't worry dear, I'll get a feeling when we get there' ... and two hours late Rosemary says 'We do have a map'" - John P

"Sorry I'm late, I wasn't going to come in 'cause I was feeling ill" - Mary
"Ah! But you've recovered because you couldn't stay away from my charisma" - Alan

"I'm not going to stab anyone! If it's any crime it's going to be rape isn't it" - Joe
Talking about an offensive T-shirt Joe wore to college and our psych teacher started talking about how small things gradually become larger things until people stab each other and stuff.

Yeah, so hope you enjoyed the quotes, not sure when I'll next have any...

10 things I hate about you

"I've been hearing a lot of complaints about you again. People are saying you're..." - Ms Perky
"Tempestuous?" - Kat
"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often." - Ms Perky

"Hey there girly, how you doing?" - Patrick
"Sweating like a pig actually, and yourself?" - Kat
"Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh" - Patrick
"My mission in life, but obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked, the world makes sense again" - Kat

"You're not afraid of me are you?" - Patrick
"Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?" - Kat
"Most people are" - Patrick
"Well I'm not" - Kat
"Well maybe you're not afraid of me but I bet you've thought about me naked, huh *winks*" - Patrick
"Am I that transparent? *sarcastic tone* I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby *rolls eyes*" - Kat

"What is it, asshole day?" - Kat

"And um, and here's another problem; Bianca said, that Kat likes, pretty guys" - Cameron
*tense moment of looking back and forth*
"*raises eyebrows and stands up* Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy?" - Patrick
*talking over each other*:
"Yeah he's very pretty; he's a gorgeous guy" - Michael
"Yeah, I just wasn't sure, I didn't know *shrugs*" - Cameron
*Patrick relaxes and sits back again*

"This is so patronising" - Kat
"Leave it to you to use big words when you're smashed" - Patrick

"You don't care if I never wake up" - Kat
"*grins* Sure I do" - Patrick
"Why?" - Kat
"Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who actually like me" - Patrick
"Like you could find one" - Kat
"*still grinning* Oh see, that there; who needs affection when I have blind hatred?" - Patrick

"Tell me something true" - Kat
"I hate peas" - Patrick

"I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is" - Walter (Bianca/Kats' dad)
*Bianca makes a frustrated noise and stalks off*

"Where's your sister going?" - Walter
"She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm." - Kat

"It's not every day you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention" - Patrick

"You can't just buy me a guitar everytime you screw up you know" - Kat
"Yeah, I know... But then you know there's always drums, bass and maybe even one day a tambourine" - Patrick
*they grin*

Mainly History

A song taught to us by our History teacher Alan.

"Hitler, has only got one ball

Goering, has two but ve-ry small

Himmler, has something similar

But poor Goebbels, has no balls, at all"

A quote from Alan:
"That was the highlight of my year! The land league rappers." - Alan
Yeah, a couple of the guys in our class wrote a 'land league' rap when we were studying Ireland. It was actually quite good.


And below are some jokes told in Nazi Germany - From my 'Humour as resistance' sheet.

Some Nazis surround an old Jew and ask him who is responsible for the war. "The Jews" he answers, and then he adds "and the cyclists".

"Why the cyclists?" ask the puzzled Nazis.

"Why the Jews?" replies the old man.

Q: What is the difference between Chamberlain and Hitler?

A: Chamberlain takes his weekends in the country,but Hitler takes whole countries in a weekend.

An SS officer who has just arrested a Jew says to him, "I have one glass eye. If you guess correctly which it is, I'll let you go." To this the prisoner replies, "It is the left one."

"Correct!" exclaims the officer, "How did you manage to guess?"

"Oh," says the Jew, "your left eye has such a human, compassionate expression."

A Jew is arrested during the war, having been denounced for killing a Nazi at 10 pm and then eating the brain of his victim. This is his defence: in the first place a Nazi hasn't got any brain; secondly, a Jew doesn't eat anything that comes from a pig; and thirdly, he could not have killed the Nazi at 10 pm because at that time everybody listens to the BBC broadcast.

Nazis abbreviated everything, so some jokes used this practise to create new units of measurement.

'Hit' - the number of promises a man can make in a time-span of fourteen years without keeping any of them.

'Goer' - the maximum amount of tin a man can wear on his chest without falling flat on his face.

'Goeb' - the minimum amount of energy required to switch off 100,000 radio receivers simultaneously.

'Ley' - the maximum time during which a man can speak without saying a single sensible thing.

And lastly,

The ideal German:

As blond as Hitler, as tall as Goebbels, as slim as Goering, and as chaste as Röhm.

And one quote from the Dan and my three hours off today:

"Well, our coll- or rather, our school wasn't very encouraging" - Hazel

"Alcohol isn't very encouraging?" - Dan

I didn't even realise it sounded like I said that until he told me, lol

27 dresses

Just remembered a couple of quotes from it that I liked:

"It's like finding out that your favourite love song was written about a sandwich" - Jane

"Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is slowly losing your mind" - Kevin

"Didn't the crusades, like, rape and kill people?" - Rachel
"Yeah, well, everyone did that" - Charles

Really old quotes

Unknown dates but one of them was dated 29/06/07 - these were written on the back of my refill pad.

"Be quiet Maxwell and his friends" - Kate
"We're not his friends" - Matt B

"That's straight and this is like you, bent!" - Mills?
I didn't write down who said this but I do believe that it was Mills talking to one or another of the guys in our class. It's the sort of comment he tends to make.

"I need the... um..." - Hazel
"-notes?" - Fahima
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Oh, um thingymabob's got them" - Fahima
"'kay" - Hazel
And I did know what she was talking about....

"Isn't Galileo one of the teenage muntant ninja turtles?" - Becky

"Students were revolting, literally" - Alan
This is not a general Alan-esque comment and I don't remember the context at all...

*Having a conversation about Dumbledore's death*
"What are you doing?" - Mills
"We're doing lots of maths and not talking about Harry Potter" - Greg

Quotes I found in my diary and pukka pad

Um yeah, probs from a while ago, I have dates for some of them... This is the problem with scribbling them down and forgetting the dates. Hmm.

"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat" - Anna (Julia Roberts), Notting Hill

Quotes with no date:

"So the Whig government was impotent; what does impotent mean?" - Alan
"Can't have babies?" - Nina
"Uh, well, technically yes... but not in this context" - Alan

Doing the course assessment thingy
"So, how can we improve History?" - Nina
"More singing" - Tom
"Alan dressed as a power ranger. The blue one." - James

"I have the attention of a goldfish today, a goldfish that is, um.." - Beki
"A dead goldfish?" - Hazel
"Yes, a dead goldfish." - Beki

14/02/08
"Joe, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Yes, I'm learning hatred" - Joe
"Faye, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Uh, yeah" - Faye
"She's learning my hatred" - Joe
"Yeah" - Faye
*Stephanie goes back to her typing*
Our teachers are so concerned about our learning...

13/02/08
"Right, I'm off, I'll see you tomorrow, it's a joy and a pleasure taking your money." - Franky (Art teacher)

06/02/08
Looking at a student-made 'Land league' poster
"So, what is that they're holding?" - Alan
"Torches and Pitchforks" - Tom
"And what are they going to do to him" - Alan
"... Sit down and have a civilised conversation?" - Tom
Loving it :P

"Don't forget, we work on the principle 'If Murray can do it, anyone can.'" - Mills

07/12/07
"This is the one topic where you can draw 'offensive' images and get away with it, so if you want to, feel free." - Substitute teacher
Human reproductive behaviour and sexual selection - Psychology.

21/11/07
"Imagine being raped to death, it would be so weird!" - Michael

"He only gets A grades because he distracts everyone else which brings the grade boundary down." - David, about Ed

Update :)

Stolen from Carol from someone called Anna :)
"It used to be that nouns had gender, and people had sex"

25/01/08
"So, I've got a torch. I just can't call anyone with my torch" - Dan
Referring to his phone which won't turn on/work for ringing people but decided to turn the flash on for a while.

13/01/08
"We were totally rofling" - Dan
"Waffling? Why were you waffling?" - Kat
"ROFLing, not waffling" - Dan
"Oooh" - Kat
And according to Dan I am to be called 'Waffle' from now on. Or something. *shrugs*

NB: I believe there have been some more of these 'You have so got to put that on your quotey site!' moments that I haven't recalled, so if you remember any, please do remind me. :)

Princess Diaries - little Valentine's story thingy

"Go and find your own stalker to give you candy. Kenny's mine." - Mia

Second-hand quotes (and yesterdays)

*pins Emma on the floor*
"How's your Lexis going to help you now?" - Dan

"You're not on a semantic field now are you?!" - Dan

03/10/07

“They didn’t have plastic lobsters back then!” - Hazel
Um, yeah. 17th century... Long story.

“The cat’s usually here” - Dan
“Usually? We’ve only met the cat once before!” - Hazel

“It looks like it has a nipple” - Dan, commenting on his calippo

*turns the tube of glue around*
“I’m quite offended by that” - Dan
“I’m sorry, it’s PVA” - Hazel
It said 'tube' on it and Dan said there shouldn't be any 'tube's without a 'you' on the beginning.

“You just want a gay man to make you dinner” - Dan
I so do. Lol.

Sometime.. um.. before now... ?

"... prostitution, there are so many career options" - Rai
"Pimp?" - Vicky
"Oh yeah! I could well be a pimp!" - Rai

"Don't just look at it... eat it!" - Vicky, to David
Um, yeah. Random sausage from the fish and chip shop... Jeremy didn't want to eat it.
Well, it was slightly amusing at the time.

Today
"Terrorists are so inconsiderate" - Dan

Good Times

28/09/07

We met a cat on our way home, (s)he followed us (and we encouraged him/her), these comments were made...

"That's a weird noise" - Dan

"Don't meow, it's not that far" - Dan

"That's not even a real noise!" - Dan

In reference to the above statement in italics
"Shall I just change it back to 'him'?" - Hazel
"No, I'm gay, gender confusing is very bad, it's not good for my species" - Dan

24/09/07

"Just shut up, I hate you..." - Mills

"Time flies when you're doing maths" - Harry

Just a few from 21/09/07

"What time did you go to sleep?" - Flora
"I don't know 'cause I passed out" - Dan

"I'm too interesting for this college" - Dan

"Two guys walking up a hill, they must be gay!" - Dan

"He's scratching his head, he must be gay!" - Dan
Dan and his brilliant deduction skills.

Boo!

Today - 17/09/07
"Yay! It's Hitler; I missed him" - Becky

"Lower level brain.. Murray" - Mills
"Yeah? ... I shouldn't have responded to that, eh" - Murray

"Look! My scab is a person!" - Carol
Um, yeah. Drawing on her legs. An attempt to stop Dan and my pen fight. Which really hurt actually... And took ages to scrub off.

"But I was on your side!" - Dan
"Yes, literally!" - Hazel
Yeah, playing bowling on the Wii. I was winning so he sat on me and made me have my go from lying on my side with him sitting on me...

"Women have PMT, Men have too much testosterone; I'm just going to marry a plant" - Dan
Cue comments about 'too much chlorophyll'.

16/09/07
"My dad had another dad when he was little, isn't that weird" - Alex (age 5 - I think)

"I'm pregnant!" - Benny
"How did that happen?" - Carol
Sparkle's 6 year old brother trying to distract him :P.

"Benny, why don't you sit down somewhere where you can spill your drink in a safe way" - Sib
Mother's are clever.

"Why are you knitting animal carcasses?" - Phillip
"Because I had some purple wool and nothing better to do with it" - Carol

"Dad, I'm going to do something very silly" - Benny
*Phillip laughs*
"That would be a change" - Phillip

"They're not hooker boots" But if I were to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a hooker I would wear them" - Carol

Cornwall quotes

Just remembered I have some! These were from the weekend of 24-27/08/07.

"I know why the man walked to St Ives, 'cause there were no car parks!" - Kathy

Having just gone past St. Michaels Hill...
"Aren't we going to see St. Michael's whatsit?" - Mum
*Kathy and I grin*
...
"I thought we were going to see St. Michael's thingymabob!" - Kathy
*giggling ensues - from me and Kathy*
"Oh yeah, we're mature" - Hazel

"I'm fine, no one tooted" - Kathy
"That's not the definition of fine" - Mark

"It's an acquired taste, which we hadn't acquired" - Mark

"With all this stress I must confess, this could be worse than PMS" - Shania Twain, Honey I'm Home
Dad had loads of Shania Twain on his MP3 and I left my CD player at home because it wasn't working properly...

Today!

"Harry doesn't count, he's not really human" - Mills

11/09/07
Going through the lonely hearts adverts for psychology coursework
"Look at this one 'Help! I have no social life.', it's so sad" - David
"Ring them up!" - Rai
"I would but they're looking for gay females... I suppose if they don't have any social life they can't be picky" - David

Old quotes... (and one from today)

10/09/07
"Go away smelly first-years!" – Mills

20/06/07
"Are there scenes of explicit nature?" - Harry
"Naked numbers" - Neville

"What is it about mathematics that makes their hair recede so quickly?" - Harry

"It's like carbon paper, but it's... not got the carbon" - Jayne

Just a couple of quotes here

"Tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector; goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg in certain places... whether you want it to or not actually so I've got to stay away from hens; it's not pretty when they blow" - The Doctor, from the episode 'Blink'
(Doctor Who obv.)

"Do you think it's safe to eat breakfast?" - Dan

Roswell Season One - Balance

"Max likes cherry cola, what does Michael like?" - Liz
"Cherry cola with arsenic?" - Maria

Don't know if I've already put this one up but I've discovered that I can watch a whole lot more Roswell episodes on youtube so I watched 'Balance' and thought it was a good quote to put up :P.

"We're leaving now, Alex do you need a ride?" - Isabel
"What I really need is a sedative" - Alex

Running out of titles. This will have to do.

23/06/07
"I mean, I'm not a pigeon but... " - Hazel
Lol, not actually sure what this was about - was talking about something in Wolverhampton... ?

Don't know dates - in the last week

Talking about the new programming language the computing students will use starting now.
"The reason for that is that VB.net can write programs which could actually hack into the system" - Kate
*various - 'ooh cool' noises*
"Why do you tell us this?" - Viraaj
"Yes, perhaps I shouldn't have, but oh well" - Kate

"You're my guinea pigs, I'm sorry for this but it's fun for me to see you suffer a bit" - Kate

"A lazy student is almost an ex-student as far as I'm concerned" - Kate
Good good.