"Vengeance or death! ... Hopefully vengeance." - Hogsqueal (Spiderwick Chronicles)

Various Quotes I kept here and there...

"Snow is my favourite type of precipitation" - Matt

"How do blobs contribute to the sum of human happiness?" - Colin

"Hey you, sexy church, stop doing that" - Carol, paraphrasing Paul

"Do these onions taste juggled to you?" - Harly
As you can probably guess, we'd been juggling the onions...

"You have a sticker on you" - Jess

"Yes, I'm for general use" - Alex (tutor)

Someone decided to put the stickers from the machines on our tutors - another tutor was apparently 'for trained use only'.

From films:

“What’s her deal? – John Tucker
“I don’t know, I think maybe she’s not your type” - Scott
“Girl is my type” – John Tucker

“... All these squishy parents nowadays wanting to be friends with their kids. Kids don’t need more friends, they need old, scary people to intimidate them!” – Mr Stratford

Random...

These are various quotes that I had stored on my phone, I don't remember who said some of them though!

"I was weaseling" - ?
"What is that?" - ?
"It's not trying to catch weasels with your bare hands is it? 'Cause that would be awesome!" - Ali

"Yeah but Orlando Bloom is definitely gay" - Tim
"How do you know this? Did he hit on you?" - Naomi F

*Matt mumbles*
"What did you say?!" - Jess
"No... I want to keep my testicles." - Matt

"I'm taking my slippers off, it's getting serious now" - Matt

From Summer Events:

"If I wanted to get in the national papers, I would do something scandalous and unChristian." - Tom

"Unzip my genes" - on the back of a biology students' hoodie

"I could be your Boaz" - On a guy's t-shirt at Momentum

Grace. Amen.

Well, we've had a book of 'Pocket Graces' for rather a long time, but I came across it again yesterday, so thought I might put up some of the graces from it that particularly amused me :).

Graces for organisations:

The Army:
Thank you, Lord, for this Mess. Amen

The Navy:
No chaplain. Thank God. Amen.

Humourous Graces:

God bless this bunch as they munch their lunch.

For porridge and for buttered toast,
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

This is the day the Lord has made,
Thanks for the toast and marmalade.

For well-filled plate,
And brimming cup,
And freedom from the washing up.
We thank you, Lord. Amen.

Lord, as we begin this new day,
Help us not to be like porridge,
Stiff and stodgy and slow to stir,
But like cornflakes,
Crisp and light and ready to serve.

Thanks for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
If it weren't for you I'd be much thinner.

Graces by children:

Dear Lord Jesus, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think about food too much. I dream of all the delicious things there are to eat when I really should be doing other things.
Please help me not to make food so important and help me not be greedy at meal times.
Amen.

Dear Father God,
Thank you for the food we eat, especially the chips and hot dogs.
Thank you for the hot dog man who makes them for me.
Amen.
- Ajay Jilka, aged 6

Dear God,
Thank you for the cheese and peanut butter and jam for my sandwiches.
- Adam Martin, aged 5

Thank you, God, for all our food.
Thank you for keeping the fishermen safe when they are at sea catching fish for my dinner.
Amen.
- Henry Miller, aged 6

Facebook group name...

"Dear A-levels, you are slowly destroying me as a person. I hope you're happy."

Also a comment made on this page:
"ahhhh screw everything. it's cider time :)"

"He reminds me of mouldy cottage cheese that's gone angry..." - Jess, about Gordon Brown

From 'The Mentalist':

"I didn't go to high school, this is kind of fascinating" - Jane
"You never went to high school?" - Lisbon
"No, I was busy" - Jane

"I panicked, as soon as you said they were killed I knew you were gonna blame me, and my brain said 'just run'" - Suspect
"Your brain's a fool" - Cho

"I thought if you just kept pressing 'OK' it'd all be ok" - Jess

"Wine, I love wine. I'm actually not supposed to have wine because it makes me inappropriate." - Jess, after having quite a bit of wine at our exhibition opening...

That ended up being quite an amusing evening, lol.

"Easyjet are like 'come rain or shine or volcanic ash, we're flying'" - Tabbi

"She's 4"9' you're 5 foot, that's 1 inch difference" - Friend of Jess

Berlin etc.

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid
This was on a t-shirt someone was wearing in Berlin. I think I've come across the quote before, but thought I'd post it nonetheless :)

"Was he balancing it up his arm?" - Georgie
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Skinny and talented" - Georgie

"Hazel's living on the dark side!" - Sophie
"The dark side?" - Lucy
"I mean the wild side..." - Sophie
Commenting on crossing roads in Berlin, lol...

"A good friend is one who gets crab out of your hair for you" - Cat

"I didn't escape a fire to inhale more smoke, ok?"
I overhead someone say this when we were all standing outside uni (some people smoking) after the fire alarm went off (due to a smoke machine being used in the new media department...)

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the precipitate
I saw this on a t-shirt on the CU training weekend :P

"I've kind of been taking all her roles" - Jonny
"Ham or cheese?" - Matt

"Duvets are a girl's best friend" - On Nai's jumper

"Doesn't he look like he should be in Harry Potter? He's a wizard, I know it." - Jess (about a guest speaker)

"My braincells are falling off the side of my head..." - Colin

"Just make sure you sign in on the floaty, floaty register thing" - Colin
Yay for floaty, floaty register things?

"Children are basically dangerous psychopaths that we change into human beings" - Gordon (lecturer)

Various...

Here are a few quotes that I had left on my phone...

"If I die, fill my coffin with cheesecake and cider" - Matt

"Big box, little box, cardboard fish" - Harly

"Who took that photo?" - Georgia
"A goat" - Matt

"I will break your hand with an axe!" - Tane, to Peter
He's only 6! Already threatening people about 9 times his age...


Also here are some quotes from the facebook page 'I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything':

I hate it when you're with Lil Bow Wow and he keeps on asking you 'where my dog's at?'. Not only is it appalling grammar, he clearly isn't responsible enough to have pets!

I hate it when Madonna and Justin Timberlake are too busy standing on cars to save the world

I hate it when Bruce Springsteen dances in the dark and knocks things over. Idiot.

I hate that Aerosmith are constantly watching me because they don't want to miss a thing, it's unnerving.

I hate that I always find 50 Cent in da club. Does he even have a house to go home to?

I hate it when you're alone with Elvis and he's got a suspicious mind...

I hate the fact that Starship were given permission to build a city of rock and roll, it's just irresponsible.

I hate it when you're a weather man. Bewitched blame everything on you.

I hate being with No Doubt. They never let me speak.

I hate how One Republic hold a grudge. I said I'm sorry, ok?!

Latin Joke

I came across this on a friend's facebook page and looked it up out of curiosity. It's a rather bad joke, but brilliant under those circumstances, lol. Apparently it's quite an old joke...

"Semper ubi sub ubi"

(Technically meaning 'Always where under where')
There was also another one next to the explanation of this one:

"Ubi o ubi est meus sububi"

Though this was not explained, I think it is quite obvious when you know the first one...