Radioactive Quotations

Just a couple...

2012-01-23T08:53:00.001Z

"You really can't get away with swinging a baby nowadays" - Harly

"It's the kind of music I see myself dying to" - Julietta, on club music

The News Quiz - Series 76 Episode 3

2012-01-08T23:59:00.002Z

"I have never been to an exercise class in my life, I find them repulsive and reprehensive, one should accept oneselves the way they are and have another pie" - Susan Calman

On the subject of why she doesn't use Twitter
"If I want people to know my innermost thoughts, there's nothing wrong with a megaphone in Waitrose" - Sandi Toksvig

Christmas time

2012-01-01T17:07:00.001Z

Commenting on the new branding of Hobbycraft
"It used to be like 'I am a graphic designer and this is a good art shop'. Now it's like 'here's some crafts for you to do, wife'." - Rachel

"Cardiff - it's like living under the sea" - Rachel

"Can you imagine me in 3D?" - Dan

"I like the way you're swaying, it's quite creepy." - Dan, to Hazel

"What are you doing?" - Dan
"You said I had to fix my glasses." - Hazel
"I never said you had to." - Dan
"You said you couldn't look at me!" - Hazel

"It fits, I'm fit, you're fit, let's go for it." - Dan's new motto for finding a boyfriend whose clothes he can wear

Things that caught my eye on Facebook

"I wear hoodies because I'm cold, not because I'm going to knife you."

"Do you know any good jokes about Sodium?"
"Na"

I find it hard to come up with titles for these posts unless all the quotes have a clear theme, so this time I put 'Christmas time' to refer to the time I collected the quotes, however, having done so I feel obliged to also put in some Christmas related things.

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

"Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up." - Wendy Copes

Ah, listening.

2011-12-13T11:14:00.000Z

"I am masculine! I have weights." - Matt
"Be honest, you're not masculine, Matt" - Harly
"I did some sewing last night" - Matt
"I don't think you're helping yourself" - Harly

"Are they married?"
"Yes, I'm pretty sure they are, if they're not, there's far too much kissing going on"

Overheard conversations

"Aww, I love you" - Guy
"I know" - Girl
"And... do you love me?" - Guy
"I said it earlier." - Girl

In the kitchenware section of IKEA
"OH LOOK, IT'S THERE!" - Guy 1
"Shh!" - Guy 2
"It's perfect!" - Guy 1
"It's just a tray, Stuart" - Guy 3

Ten second songs

2011-10-16T20:10:00.000+01:00

These are a few 'ten second songs' taken from Alessandra Rizzotti's blog, not quite sure why I came across it, I think it was a link from Facebook. Anyway, so I read it and picked out a few that I like. They're based on e-mails from her mother.

‘Sweaters’

Sweaters are warm/But not as warm as you/You’re as toasty as toast/Like a heater from Home Depot/Gosh, that’s cute that I said that because I love Home Depot, especially their curtains section

‘First Period. Hysterical’

First period/It was a mess/Don’t worry, I’m referring to an educational class I took in seventh grade/I believe it was mathematics

‘Purse’

Purse/I want an expensive one/Like one from Burberry/Don’t you have money to get me one?/Of course not/You have a low paying job/Why didn’t I ever force you to become an engineer?

‘Is The Cat Thing Going to Happen Or Are You Going to Let Me Down?’

Are we getting these cats or are you letting me down?/Don’t make me frown/I’m not in the mood/I just want a cat to squeeze/But not so that it bleeds…(because that would get messy and I’d need some carpet cleaner)

Facebook Groups

2011-09-07T23:05:00.004+01:00

Just a couple of group names I found on Facebook that quite amused me

Leonardo DiCaprio never died in Titanic - the end scene of Titanic is of him going underwater. The beginning scene of Inception is him waking up on a beach. It's like a movie within a movie.

'I'm a ninja'
'No you're not'
'Did you see me do that?'
'Do what?'
'Exactly.'

Soul Survivor B 2011

2011-08-14T19:50:00.004+01:00

As well as some amazing teaching and great worship there were many entertaining moments of Soul Survivor. I noted a few funny quotes down (mostly from Sanga's talks, so brilliant) which I thought I'd share here...

Talking about girls dreams vs boys dreams
"Batman, Spiderman, Superman - they weren't fantasies for us growing up. They were options." - Sanga

"That night I had enough testosterone in me to jump start a dead elephant. I wasn't Bambi, I was a wild stallion!" - Sanga

Talking about getting old
"Here we visit portaloos. There will come a day when we are a portaloo. At the moment, things work. One day, they'll drop off." - Crofty

"As the great philosopher Edmund Blackadder once said 'Life is like a broken pencil... pointless.'" - - Mike P

"When the bride comes down the aisle, I like to look at the groom, to see if he'll cry. In my church they nearly all cry 'cause they're a bunch of wimps." - Mike P

"You know, when boy meets girl, and girl meets testosterone." - Sanga

"You're going to see some images of Haman now... well that's not Haman, that's a goat." - Sanga

"My grandma used to call me daddy long legs ... I used to want to punch granny in the moustache" - Sanga

Talking about chat up lines
"You might have a Christian guy called Will, who goes up to a girl and says 'My name's Will... God's Will'" - Sanga

Sanga used the first of these quotes below in his talk, and I got distracted surfing the net and found some more I wanted to post, so these are quotes from kids about love and marriage

How would you make your marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, 8

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, 9

When is it okay to kiss someone?
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. - Curt, 7

What's your best advice about love?
Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love. - Erin, 8

Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:

'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!' - Eddie, 6
'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.' - Larry, 8
'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.' - Bob, 9
'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?' - Arnold, 10
'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!' - Will, 7

Toilet Door Quotes

2011-05-27T23:50:00.002+01:00

There was a street art exhibition on near me recently and one of the things they exhibited was one of the female toilet doors from a local pub which had lots of things written on it, here are a couple of those things:

"I'm celebrating my love for you with a pint of beer and a new tattoo"

"I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

New Layout

2011-02-19T02:10:00.002Z

I thought it was time for a change, so finally updated the look of this blog, I like it very much :). I also found how to put the labels in the side bar so it's easier to navigate the quotes!
I may start to do only 1 quote per post (or divide them into the people) so that you don't come up with a massive post when you just wanted to find a quote by one person. I wouldn't go back and change previous posts - except perhaps the 'Random' ones which could do with a bit more specific labelling.
Hope you like it! :)

JLS!

2011-02-19T01:07:00.006Z

"Oh, I keep forgetting I have knees" - Harly

"It's going to be a pass the parcel drinking game, but you can choose what you drink shots of, so those who don't want to get drunk can just get really hydrated" - Jess

"I thought the cards were in the pack but then I realised it was jelly" - Matt

"I can't count with my mittens on" - Matt

"They look like JLS!" - Jess, really loudly in the street, while pointing at 3 white guys walking past us
I'm guessing she meant the coloured tops, lol, they gave us a really weird look...

"Oh! Add water, not liquid nitrogen!" - Alex

Brigands M.C.

2011-02-19T00:05:00.002Z

"'I'll remember that,' James nodded, as his attention turned back to his crêpe. 'So how did I do?'
'Good,' Martin said. 'It's a bit doughy in the middle because you used too much batter, and when we get a real customer I'd recommend more pleases and thank-yous and slightly less of the threatening to fry their face and shag their ex-girlfriend.'"
- From 'Brigands M.C.' by Robert Muchamore

2010-12-29T18:03:00.002Z

"Vengeance or death! ... Hopefully vengeance." - Hogsqueal (Spiderwick Chronicles)

Various Quotes I kept here and there...

2010-11-30T21:27:00.006Z

"Snow is my favourite type of precipitation" - Matt

"How do blobs contribute to the sum of human happiness?" - Colin

"Hey you, sexy church, stop doing that" - Carol, paraphrasing Paul

"Do these onions taste juggled to you?" - Harly
As you can probably guess, we'd been juggling the onions...

"You have a sticker on you" - Jess

"Yes, I'm for general use" - Alex (tutor)

Someone decided to put the stickers from the machines on our tutors - another tutor was apparently 'for trained use only'.

From films:

“What’s her deal? – John Tucker
“I don’t know, I think maybe she’s not your type” - Scott
“Girl is my type” – John Tucker

“... All these squishy parents nowadays wanting to be friends with their kids. Kids don’t need more friends, they need old, scary people to intimidate them!” – Mr Stratford

Random...

2010-09-18T23:42:00.006+01:00

These are various quotes that I had stored on my phone, I don't remember who said some of them though!

"I was weaseling" - ?
"What is that?" - ?
"It's not trying to catch weasels with your bare hands is it? 'Cause that would be awesome!" - Ali

"Yeah but Orlando Bloom is definitely gay" - Tim
"How do you know this? Did he hit on you?" - Naomi F

*Matt mumbles*
"What did you say?!" - Jess
"No... I want to keep my testicles." - Matt

"I'm taking my slippers off, it's getting serious now" - Matt

From Summer Events:

"If I wanted to get in the national papers, I would do something scandalous and unChristian." - Tom

"Unzip my genes" - on the back of a biology students' hoodie

"I could be your Boaz" - On a guy's t-shirt at Momentum

Grace. Amen.

2010-09-03T18:18:00.007+01:00

Well, we've had a book of 'Pocket Graces' for rather a long time, but I came across it again yesterday, so thought I might put up some of the graces from it that particularly amused me :).

Graces for organisations:

The Army:
Thank you, Lord, for this Mess. Amen

The Navy:
No chaplain. Thank God. Amen.

Humourous Graces:

God bless this bunch as they munch their lunch.

For porridge and for buttered toast,
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

This is the day the Lord has made,
Thanks for the toast and marmalade.

For well-filled plate,
And brimming cup,
And freedom from the washing up.
We thank you, Lord. Amen.

Lord, as we begin this new day,
Help us not to be like porridge,
Stiff and stodgy and slow to stir,
But like cornflakes,
Crisp and light and ready to serve.

Thanks for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
If it weren't for you I'd be much thinner.

Graces by children:

Dear Lord Jesus, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I think about food too much. I dream of all the delicious things there are to eat when I really should be doing other things.
Please help me not to make food so important and help me not be greedy at meal times.
Amen.

Dear Father God,
Thank you for the food we eat, especially the chips and hot dogs.
Thank you for the hot dog man who makes them for me.
Amen.
- Ajay Jilka, aged 6

Dear God,
Thank you for the cheese and peanut butter and jam for my sandwiches.
- Adam Martin, aged 5

Thank you, God, for all our food.
Thank you for keeping the fishermen safe when they are at sea catching fish for my dinner.
Amen.
- Henry Miller, aged 6

Facebook group name...

2010-05-18T15:00:00.003+01:00

"Dear A-levels, you are slowly destroying me as a person. I hope you're happy."

Also a comment made on this page:
"ahhhh screw everything. it's cider time :)"

2010-05-04T01:48:00.005+01:00

"He reminds me of mouldy cottage cheese that's gone angry..." - Jess, about Gordon Brown

From 'The Mentalist':

"I didn't go to high school, this is kind of fascinating" - Jane
"You never went to high school?" - Lisbon
"No, I was busy" - Jane

"I panicked, as soon as you said they were killed I knew you were gonna blame me, and my brain said 'just run'" - Suspect
"Your brain's a fool" - Cho

2010-04-30T12:33:00.004+01:00

"I thought if you just kept pressing 'OK' it'd all be ok" - Jess

"Wine, I love wine. I'm actually not supposed to have wine because it makes me inappropriate." - Jess, after having quite a bit of wine at our exhibition opening...

That ended up being quite an amusing evening, lol.

2010-04-17T18:55:00.002+01:00

"Easyjet are like 'come rain or shine or volcanic ash, we're flying'" - Tabbi

"She's 4"9' you're 5 foot, that's 1 inch difference" - Friend of Jess

Berlin etc.

2010-03-06T18:52:00.004Z

To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid
This was on a t-shirt someone was wearing in Berlin. I think I've come across the quote before, but thought I'd post it nonetheless :)

"Was he balancing it up his arm?" - Georgie
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Skinny and talented" - Georgie

"Hazel's living on the dark side!" - Sophie
"The dark side?" - Lucy
"I mean the wild side..." - Sophie
Commenting on crossing roads in Berlin, lol...

"A good friend is one who gets crab out of your hair for you" - Cat

"I didn't escape a fire to inhale more smoke, ok?"
I overhead someone say this when we were all standing outside uni (some people smoking) after the fire alarm went off (due to a smoke machine being used in the new media department...)

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the precipitate
I saw this on a t-shirt on the CU training weekend :P

2010-02-16T19:50:00.007Z

"I've kind of been taking all her roles" - Jonny
"Ham or cheese?" - Matt

"Duvets are a girl's best friend" - On Nai's jumper

"Doesn't he look like he should be in Harry Potter? He's a wizard, I know it." - Jess (about a guest speaker)

"My braincells are falling off the side of my head..." - Colin

"Just make sure you sign in on the floaty, floaty register thing" - Colin
Yay for floaty, floaty register things?

"Children are basically dangerous psychopaths that we change into human beings" - Gordon (lecturer)

Various...

2010-01-24T14:31:00.003Z

Here are a few quotes that I had left on my phone...

"If I die, fill my coffin with cheesecake and cider" - Matt

"Big box, little box, cardboard fish" - Harly

"Who took that photo?" - Georgia
"A goat" - Matt

"I will break your hand with an axe!" - Tane, to Peter
He's only 6! Already threatening people about 9 times his age...

Also here are some quotes from the facebook page 'I hate it when you're with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything':

I hate it when you're with Lil Bow Wow and he keeps on asking you 'where my dog's at?'. Not only is it appalling grammar, he clearly isn't responsible enough to have pets!

I hate it when Madonna and Justin Timberlake are too busy standing on cars to save the world

I hate it when Bruce Springsteen dances in the dark and knocks things over. Idiot.

I hate that Aerosmith are constantly watching me because they don't want to miss a thing, it's unnerving.

I hate that I always find 50 Cent in da club. Does he even have a house to go home to?

I hate it when you're alone with Elvis and he's got a suspicious mind...

I hate the fact that Starship were given permission to build a city of rock and roll, it's just irresponsible.

I hate it when you're a weather man. Bewitched blame everything on you.

I hate being with No Doubt. They never let me speak.

I hate how One Republic hold a grudge. I said I'm sorry, ok?!

Latin Joke

2010-01-03T12:41:00.003Z

I came across this on a friend's facebook page and looked it up out of curiosity. It's a rather bad joke, but brilliant under those circumstances, lol. Apparently it's quite an old joke...

"Semper ubi sub ubi"

(Technically meaning 'Always where under where')
There was also another one next to the explanation of this one:

"Ubi o ubi est meus sububi"

Though this was not explained, I think it is quite obvious when you know the first one...

George Bush and POTC2

2009-12-29T20:02:00.002Z

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them" - George Bush

A couple of quotes from POTC 2

"It's real!" - Elizabeth
"You were actually telling the truth." - Norrington
"I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised." - Jack

"There will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing." - Elizabeth
"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." - Jack

Facebook group

2009-12-11T23:43:00.002Z

"I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves!"

There are also some rather awesome Vulcan pick up lines, and also Christian pick up lines - I may put some of these on at a later date...

2009-12-10T01:13:00.003Z

"Your floor is more hoovered than my floor" - Harly

"I can't believe I got cut by a duvet" - Harly

"This quiz is like the lottery, you have to pay a pound to play but you have to answer questions to get the money" - Matt

From 'Bumper Stickers'

2009-10-28T19:27:00.006Z

They're not really bumper stickers because I found them on the internet, not on cars, but they're still referred to as that...

'Let's eat Grandma!' or 'Let's eat, Grandma!' - punctuation, it saves lives

There's a fine line between speaking with a British accent and sounding drunk.

If you noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing.

The fact that you don't understand does NOT mean that it doesn't make sense.

Oh yes, and here are a couple I had on my phone but hadn't got around to putting up...

Overheard at Tesco
"Can we get some of this?" - Girl
"No, you're not colouring your hair, you're seven!" - Her dad

On a T-shirt
"I aim to please. But I often miss."

Soul Survivor

2009-09-10T18:27:00.002+01:00

"I think I'm a bit hysterical, I'm kind of laughing at anything." - Hazel
"I know, that's why I'm talking to you. A budding member of society." - Clare

101 Favourite Comic Poems

2009-09-05T21:30:00.003+01:00

I recently got out a book of amusing poems (title above), and I decided to put some of my favourites on here :). Of these, I particularly like 'On Taking a Wife', 'Weather Forecast' and 'Limerick about Limericks'.

Engraved on the Collar of a Dog, which I gave to His Royal Highness

I am his Highness' dog at Kew;

Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
- Alexander Pope

A limerick about misunderstanding

There was an old fellow of Tring
Who, when somebody asked him to sing,
Replied, 'Ain't it odd?
I can never tell God
Save the Weasel from Pop goes the King.'
- Anon

A Case

As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today -
I wish to God he'd go away!
- Anon

On Taking a Wife

'Come, come,' said Tom's father, 'at your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.
It's time you should think, boy, of taking a wife.'
'Why so it is, father. Whose wife shall I take?'
- Thomas Moore

A Limerick about Eccentricity

There was an old loony of Lyme,
Whose candour was simply sublime;
When they asked, 'Are you there?'
'Yes,' he said, 'but take care,
For I'm never "all there" at a time.'
- Anon

Weather Forecast

The rain it raineth every day,
Upon the just and unjust fella,
But more upon the just, because
The unjust has the just's umbrella.
- Anon

A Limerick about Health

There was a faith-healer of Deal,
Who said, 'Although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin
And it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel.'
- Anon

Limerick about Limericks

There was a young man of Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
When they said it was so,
He replied, 'Yes, I know,
But I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can.'
- Anon

Quote from ages ago...

2009-07-08T13:21:00.003+01:00

Just found a quote that I wrote down but never put on here. It's from January-ish I think. Talking about our crazy temporary art teacher.

"Doesn’t she remind you of a dinner lady? Like, a really posh one" – Alex C
"Kind of like a dinner lady but Mrs Doubtfire all the way" – Neesha
"With some kind of massive drug intake" - Abbie

I also found a quote from one of the Twilight books, probably Eclipse. I'll probably note down more quotes from the Twilight series at some point, next time I read them.

“Does that mean that he’s a better kisser than I am?” Jacob asked, suddenly glum.
“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.”
“Besides me”
“But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”

From my trip to see Carol

2009-06-18T17:08:00.003+01:00

"Yes, it's economically sound, but isn't it just a bit pointless?" - Simeon

From some of the quotes in a very cool t-shirt shop:

What if the Hokey Cokey really IS what it's all about?

I'm not bossy

I just have better ideas

I'M NOT TENSE

I'm just terribly terribly alert

I'm not weird

I'm gifted

nice person

wrong planet

Of course I don't look busy

- I did it right the first time.

The Liver is

EVIL

and must be

PUNISHED

Teehee, good stuff.

College quotes

2009-05-22T20:10:00.005+01:00

These are mainly various quotes that I have found scrawled in margins of my pukka pad.

"Are you planning on being your usual self in front of the ofstead people?" - Robert, to Mills

"If I came in and said 'me saw the dog', you'd either think I was regressing or I thought I was Tarzan. I can assure you that neither of those is true" - Jason
"You mean you're not Tarzan?" - Chloe
"Only on weekends" - Jason

Handing out class assessment thingies (I'm not 'officially' in the class)
"You don't get one because you don't exist" - Mills, to Hazel

"Be careful, you don't know where she's been" - Mills, about Max

After a conversation about how our college used to be a boys school - talking about girls:
"Is that why you're so horrible to them, because they don't belong here" - Tony, to Mills

"Is that your artistic skills up on the board?" - Robert
"Yes, that's my earthworm" - Mills
"It's lovely, but why has it got demonic red eyes?" - Robert

"Treat the examiner like they are a half-wit, 50% of the time it'll be true anyway" - Jason
Lol, he was just joking btw - he's an examiner himself!

"Are you here?" - Mills
"Apparently" - Robert
"He didn't die" - Jelena
"Yes, I'm quite pleased, I think I should get a certificate" - Robert

"What are you on, Robert... Valium?" - Mills

And here are some quotes that the class wrote in Mills' thank-you card that was given to him today:

"I hate you a great deal" - Mills, to student

"Oi, you barbie girls, shut up and do some maths!" - Mills

"Robert, keep your bitch on a leash" - Mills, about Max
I vaguely recall this though it is one of the more unusual Mills quotes

'SUA GOWI - Shut Up And Get On With It'
Occasionally written on the board in acronym form...

"Can you help me?" - Student
"Probably not" - Mills

"Jelena's been sent to Kosokov for terrorist training" - Mills

Plaques

2009-04-29T18:06:00.002+01:00

These were on plaques at my cousins' house :P

"Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree"

"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be confusing me with the maid we don't have"

Doo wop wop

2009-04-18T20:58:00.004+01:00

Here's a couple of quotes off my phone...

"I say that to stop the little children from biting my toes" - Kat
"Does that happen often?" - Clarky

"I sort of wish I had a twin 'cause I do think the world would be a better place with another me" - College student
I got this quote while walking from college to the train station - the person was behind me and I overheard the comment which I found rather amusing...

These are a few quotes that Carol has on badges, I saw them the other day and severly coveted them :P

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
"No more Ms Niceperson"
"Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light"
"667 - the neighbour of the beast"

The Swan Princess

2009-04-07T19:12:00.004+01:00

"'What else is there?'! She says, 'Is beauty all that matters?' and you say, 'What else is there?'!" - Rogers
"It was dumb, I know!" - Prince Derek
"You should write a book, 'How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less'" - Rogers
I love this, though the language-obsessed section of my mind was still thinking 'fewer!'

"Think! You must see something other than Odette's beauty" - Rogers
"Of course I do, Rogers. She's like, you know, how about... and then... I mean right?" - Prince Derek
*Rogers raises his eyebrows*

Quotes off my phone

2009-02-20T15:41:00.004Z

Whenever I don't have a pen and paper handy (generally, any time when I'm not in lessons at college) and I hear an interesting quote, I briefly type it into my phone. I usually then forget about it. As I have now remembered, I thought I'd better put the few quotes saved on my phone into a blog now, before I forget again.

12/02/09

In choir - we were singing a strange Old English thing (see bottom of post for lyrics).
"The reason I chose this is because it's Valentine's Day on Saturday and this is a love spell. So if you can find some oaken ashes and a mute... you know. *shrug*" - James

"Elvis has risen from the dead, in the form of my sunglasses." - Ray

11/02/09

"Do your friends all look like you?" - Amy
"No! They look normal." - Dave C

Right, I just thought it might be interesting to put the strange love spell song (I think it was based on a poem or something) here. I've just found a copy of it on the internet, not sure if it's exactly the same thing we were doing (I think we may have had another verse or something) but you'll get the gist. Note the weird spelling...

Thrice tosse these Oaken ashes in the ayre;
Thrice sit thou mute in this inchanted chayre:
And thrice three times tye up this true loves knot,
And murmur soft shee will, or shee will not.

Goe burn these poys’nous weedes in yon blew fire,
These Screech-owles fethers,
and this prickling bryer,
This Cypress gathered at a dead mans grave:
That all thy feares and cares an end may have.

Then come you Fayries, dance with me a round,
Melt her hard hart with your melodious sound;
In vaine are all the charms I can devise,
She hath an Arte to breake them with her eyes

bop

2009-01-27T21:11:00.008Z

Yes, here are some quotes, from about Nov 08 til now. They're roughly in chronological order.

I loved the quote from Peter's T-shirt (one of the Peters in my Sign Language class):
"You probably don't recognise me without my cape"

"If you think about time-travel too much your head explodes, believe me" - Jason
...
"I don't think your head exploded as you've still got one" - Chloe P
"Well, I could be a lobster and have grown a new one" - Jason
Jason is our fantastic English Language teacher - I think we strayed a little from the lesson plan here.

Talking about syntax in active and passive voiced sentences
"Is there any time when the action would move in the sentence?" - Martin
"Only if you're Yoda" - Jason

"My eyes flashed before my life!" - Chloe P

"Do you do much Spanish at home?" - Nathan
"Not really" - Hazel
"I swear you pick it up like... a piece of cheese" - Nathan

"I do skip home, I'm happy at the end of the day" - Jason
He was replying to a student's comment after he used the example sentence 'Singing merrily, I skipped home'

"Holly, if you'd like to go down there and join the gentlemen, and Martin" - Jason
It may be a classic, but it was still entertaining...

"I'm a new man, 21st century, of course I can sew" - Jason

After Carol ran past the front of the car just when Sparkle started driving:
"You wouldn't have had any legs!" - Sparkle, to Carol
"Sure she would, they just wouldn't be very useful" - Helen

"You're like the anti-Kat. You know what you want before you've even seen the menu, but she doesn't even know what she wants after she's eaten it" - Gemmel, to Dan

"That was the highlight of our art lesson" - Nadine
"Peeling glue off your hand?" - ? (friend of Nadine's whose name I don't know)
"Yes" - Nadine

From 'Quotes of the Year'

2008-12-31T12:13:00.004Z

"With Tony Blair it really was like trying to nail jelly to the wall. In contrast, with Gordon Brown, the jelly's already stuck to the wall. It is just a question of taking aim at it." - Former Tory leader William Hague on the relative parliamentary skills of the prime minister and his predecessor

"They leave me alone now. I'm too bleeding old. They are frightened I'll drop dead." - Sir Michael Caine, 74, on the paparazzi

"I'm just a simple president, but I think God created the earth, created the world. I think the creation of the world is so mysterious it requires something as large as an almighty and I don't think it's incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution. I happen to believe that evolution doesn't fully explain the mystery of life." - George W Bush delivers his views on the science versus religion debate

"I am no longer at risk of being called a bloody nuisance. I am a bloody nuisance." - The Prince of Wales on his alleged politicisation

"I got a death threat the other day. I haven't had one for years and was so chuffed somebody thought I was still dangerous." - Former Labour MP Tony Benn

"It is, I fear, impossible to imitate, as it is a product of random and competing forces of nature." - London Mayor, Boris Johnson, on receiving the award for Best Celebrity Hair of 2008

Old quotes

2008-12-29T00:21:00.004Z

Am clearing out/organising all my files on my computer and have just found a word document with quotes in it, so I thought I'd put them on now, not sure when they were from. Probably this year... *shrug*

“Please don’t talk to my son; he finds it hard to distinguish you from reality” – Philip (Benny's dad)
Don't remember who he was talking to but it's amusing nonetheless

*Plane flies overhead*
“What’s that? Is it my UFO coming home?” – Benny
“I wouldn’t be surprised” - Phillip

“Have I told you the joke about the high wall? I’d better not, you’d never get over it” – Benny
Oh dear, it's like a Christmas cracker joke...

Saw a guy with a t-shirt saying...

2008-09-28T22:09:00.002+01:00

"Sex, drugs and sausage rolls"

National Treasure 2

2008-09-02T23:21:00.009+01:00

A couple of random ones...

"Bring all your horses, and your sister too" - Mr Bertram, Mansfield Park

"So the idea is to find x1 and y1 using... yes" - Mills

Now, National Treasure 2 quotes... [By the way, it's a great film, go see it]

"Women, can't live with them, especially if they change the alarm codes" - Riley, whilst decoding the alarm
"You did that in 25 seconds" - Ben
"That's why I tell people to get a dog" - Riley

"How'd you get in, Ben? ... Riley, come out here" - Abigail

*Ben pleading for Abigail to let him examine the document - Abigail is walking away*
"Please, Abigail, one look under infra-red... you can have the boston tea tables" - Ben
*Abigail smiles then turns around with a stern look on her face*
"Both of them?" - Abigail
*Switches to them examining the page*

*In Buckingham Palace*
"You're the one who's making a scene right now" - Ben
"I'm not making a scene" - Abigail
*in Ben's earpiece* "No, we want to make a scene" - Riley
"WELL THEN FINE! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT THEN LET'S HAVE IT OUT RIGHT NOW!" - Ben
*in earpiece* "Ah, so subtle" - Riley

"What is going on?" - Abigail
"I'm sorry for getting you roped into this but you were excellent back there" - Ben
"Oh, thank you, so were you *smiles*" - Abigail
"When did you figure out it was a fake argument?" - Ben
"When did you figure out I was actually arguing during the fake argument?" - Abigail
"Right in the middle there, the part where 'I always assume that I'm right'" - Ben
*Abigail nods*
*talking into his hidden mike* "Riley get us out of here" - Ben
"Which I don't get, 'cause if I turn out to be right after I assume that I'm right then I'm correct, yes?" - Ben
"When you get to a conclusion without asking and you happen to be right, you got lucky" - Abigail
*nods* "I get lucky a lot" - Ben

"Just because you may know what my answer is going to be doesn't mean you don't have to ask me" - Abigail

*In the dumbwaiter - Ben holding a bouquet of flowers - for show when they get upstairs*
*Ben sniffs* "You're wearing the perfume I bought you" - Ben
"So?" - Abigail
"I think it smells kind of pretty" - Ben
"It's the flowers" - Abigail
*in a sing-song voice* "No it's not *flutters eyelashes*" - Ben
*Abigail shakes her head with a slight smile*

Ah yes, I couldn't be bothered to type it all out as you really have to see the scene, but I love the part when Ben's parents see each other for the first time in 32 years and argue about a trip they took and a travel case not being packed.

"I kidnapped the president, the FBI is on their way here right now and I'm sure they'll love to meet you too. They'll find us both and arrest us both and that path doesn't lead to the city of gold does it?" - Ben, talking to Mitch
...
"Which president? The President?" - Emily (Ben's mum) talking to Patrick (Ben's dad)
"I thought it best not to tell you" - Patrick

New Wine 2008

2008-08-02T13:24:00.006+01:00

At a comedy gig - the venue host said to a guy in the front who he was having a jokey debate with:
"Some things in life go without saying, can you be one of those things?"

"If war breaks out I will trust the Lord" - On a guy's t-shirt (It's a verse from Psalms but not sure which)

After Viv got soaked in the rain before a seminar we were talking about pnemonia, and she told me about how her mum got pnemonia after being baptised...
"Welcome to eternal life, if you can make it through this one!" - Viv
"Never say Christianity's easy" - Viv
Lol.

"Don't hide behind Times New Roman" - On a rather cool 'Dialogue' t-shirt
See it here

Rather amusing trainee vicar - Paul from Bristol - did one of the evening talks, was v. good (as were all of them actually)... anyway, a couple of quotes from him:

"Go up north, have some naan bread" - Paul
Apparently the naan bread up north is huge and is lovely with curry

"Mark 1, 21 to 28; It'll be on the screen in case you lost your bible at the kebab van" - Paul

"You gotta love the bible, it does make me laugh sometimes" - Paul
... [Talking about the people following Jesus forgetting to eat - feeding of the 4000]
"3 days! I mean, I don't forget to eat in 3 hours let alone 3 days!" - Paul

"Akatharton Pneumaton"
Means 'unclean spirit' - Paul was very proud of having learnt this word so he told it to us and used it many times in his talk :P

"I don't know what you've come here for, I mean you could be coming to praise God or you could be coming to try and get a girlfriend or boyfriend. I mean some of you guys look like 'Yeah Paul, well, we've only got 2 hours left so if you could be quick' [us lot laughing]. But you know, the best girlfriend or boyfriend will be the one standing at the front, arms in the air, praising God, not the one you've seen sitting on everyone's laps down at the food court [more laughing/clapping/'whoo'ing]. So if you see someone who's praising God, going to seminars, writing notes, reading their bible, and all that; try and pull that person." - Paul
Won't be word for word but quite a lot is direct quotes I think (I tried) and the fill in bits are the right gist.

Note about this section - the talk - I did actually take more spiritual content in, lol, I just chose to put these up here as they amused me.

Kev from 29th chapter did a quick bit at the beginning of a talk - he was talking about love and how it's easy to love people of our own status, and the 'lovable' but what about others? Just a couple of bits he said - you'll get the gist.
"Let us be cosy - touch each other"
"It's nice, very nice"
"LOVE!"
Lol, there was a rather amused response from the room packed with teens.

"We're too young to understand that certain things are impossible, so we'll do them anyway" - Pitt, from the film 'Amazing Grace'
This clip was played to us in a Thirst for Justice seminar

Krish Kandiah talked in Thursday's evening celebration, he was talking about 'Heaven on Earth'. Here's a couple of quotes from him.

Talking about heaven
"It'll be like being at New Wine all the time except with better toilets and showers" - Krish

Telling us about when he asked his kids (aged 7/8) what they wanted to do in the future
"So I asked him and he said he wanted to be a doctor, so that he could help people for God, and I was like 'Yes, Theologically correct son!'" - Krish

From a Walk Through the Bible seminar

"Murder by donkey's jawbone" - Gav
Samson vs Philestines

Story of Samson and Delilah:
"So here's a lesson to you guys - Lying to girls is a bad idea" - Gav
Later on:
"Another lesson, Lying to a girl twice is a very bad idea" - Gav

"Fall in love? I'd rather fall in chocolate" - T-shirt
I didn't see it, it was a comment in a talk from a guy called Mark

Nicola and Claire got some really disgusting orange juice and were trying to get other people to drink some because they didn't want it - Viv said ok and these were her comments afterward:

"Are you sure this came from an orange?" - Viv

"No fruit were harmed in the making of this drink" - Viv

So yeah, that's all the quotes I had down in my little pretty note-taking book :)
Yay for New Wine!

2008-07-01T11:50:00.004+01:00

"I'm going to miss your lips and all that's attached to them" - Claire (Kirsten Dunst), Elizabethtown

2008-06-18T15:44:00.003+01:00

"sometimes my brain thinks 'hmmm, I want something to sink my metaphorical teeth into'." - Carol

Various quotes...

2008-05-23T21:51:00.006+01:00

Yeah, am now 'emptying' the back of my pukka pad and bits of my planner of their briefly scribbled quotations. But first, one that Carol quoted to me from something she saw on the internet somewhere (this is my current msn name):

"Make awkward sexual advances, not war"

Now on to the other stuff, starting from two where I know the dates...

23/06/08
"Pretzel" - Dan
"Oh, I didn't write that one" - Hazel
"What? You left out half our friendship!" - Dan
"If half our friendship was pretzels I don't think we had much of a friendship" - Hazel
I'd just been writing in Dan's leaving book and 'pretzel' is one of the things he attempts to rhyme with 'Hazel'

31/03/08
"I'm just a disnumerate maths teacher" - Mills

And a bunch where I don't know the dates (In the order of where they were in my diary and pukka pad):

Talking about silly class evaluation forms 'SPOC's (though we don't know what it stands for)
"Whoever makes these should be shot, or made to fill in SPOCs for the rest of their lives in a dungeon deep underground" - Franky

"*Reading from the SPOC* 'My teacher asks learners for their views on how it can improve the course, teaching and facilities'. So am I an 'it' now?" - Franky

"We're buggering off to University to get drunk" - Becky
Ah yes, the essence of university... ?

"It's bare confusing, like a multi-coloured bear; wow that's confusing" - Dan
I think it was more funny at the time...

"You look like someone from Chicken Run" - Hazel
"... I don't know how to respond to that" - Becky
Random comment in choir; she really did! It was the expression on her face, I'm not saying she looks like a cartoon chicken or anything. Yeah, another one of the 'you had to be there' moments.

"I'll give you this so you can thingy the doodah innit" - Franky

"He's about as creative as a bowl of cornflakes" - Franky, about Henry

"Sometimes I don't think you love us Chris" - Harry, talking to our maths teacher

"It should be 'u'" - Harry
"Yeah, but I don't like you" - Mills

"I'm going to miss a great deal; that's a whole hour of picking on Murray I'll miss!" - Mills

Next three quotes: Having a very random discussion in psychology about the possibility that Jesus has come back and is currently a small child, soon to grow up and change the world.

"He'll get his magic powers at 16, it's like Sabrina the teenage witch!" - Faye

"Even if this 'Jesus' was real, you're not a snail, so you don't have a point" - Faye

"He will in 2012 turn me into a snail" - Rai
(This whole conversation originated from Faye drawing Rai as a snail)

Part of John's sermon on one of the Sundays - talking about the ability to find your way places (and about sat navs)
"A great quote of mine, as Rosemary knows, is 'Don't worry dear, I'll get a feeling when we get there' ... and two hours late Rosemary says 'We do have a map'" - John P

"Sorry I'm late, I wasn't going to come in 'cause I was feeling ill" - Mary
"Ah! But you've recovered because you couldn't stay away from my charisma" - Alan

"I'm not going to stab anyone! If it's any crime it's going to be rape isn't it" - Joe
Talking about an offensive T-shirt Joe wore to college and our psych teacher started talking about how small things gradually become larger things until people stab each other and stuff.

Yeah, so hope you enjoyed the quotes, not sure when I'll next have any...

10 things I hate about you

2008-04-29T00:10:00.003+01:00

"I've been hearing a lot of complaints about you again. People are saying you're..." - Ms Perky
"Tempestuous?" - Kat
"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often." - Ms Perky

"Hey there girly, how you doing?" - Patrick
"Sweating like a pig actually, and yourself?" - Kat
"Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh" - Patrick
"My mission in life, but obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked, the world makes sense again" - Kat

"You're not afraid of me are you?" - Patrick
"Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?" - Kat
"Most people are" - Patrick
"Well I'm not" - Kat
"Well maybe you're not afraid of me but I bet you've thought about me naked, huh *winks*" - Patrick
"Am I that transparent? *sarcastic tone* I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby *rolls eyes*" - Kat

"What is it, asshole day?" - Kat

"And um, and here's another problem; Bianca said, that Kat likes, pretty guys" - Cameron
*tense moment of looking back and forth*
"*raises eyebrows and stands up* Are you telling me I'm not a pretty guy?" - Patrick
*talking over each other*:
"Yeah he's very pretty; he's a gorgeous guy" - Michael
"Yeah, I just wasn't sure, I didn't know *shrugs*" - Cameron
*Patrick relaxes and sits back again*

"This is so patronising" - Kat
"Leave it to you to use big words when you're smashed" - Patrick

"You don't care if I never wake up" - Kat
"*grins* Sure I do" - Patrick
"Why?" - Kat
"Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who actually like me" - Patrick
"Like you could find one" - Kat
"*still grinning* Oh see, that there; who needs affection when I have blind hatred?" - Patrick

"Tell me something true" - Kat
"I hate peas" - Patrick

"I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is" - Walter (Bianca/Kats' dad)
*Bianca makes a frustrated noise and stalks off*

"Where's your sister going?" - Walter
"She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm." - Kat

"It's not every day you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention" - Patrick

"You can't just buy me a guitar everytime you screw up you know" - Kat
"Yeah, I know... But then you know there's always drums, bass and maybe even one day a tambourine" - Patrick
*they grin*

Mainly History

2008-04-25T17:28:00.008+01:00

A song taught to us by our History teacher Alan.

"Hitler, has only got one ball

Goering, has two but ve-ry small

Himmler, has something similar

But poor Goebbels, has no balls, at all"

A quote from Alan:
"That was the highlight of my year! The land league rappers." - Alan
Yeah, a couple of the guys in our class wrote a 'land league' rap when we were studying Ireland. It was actually quite good.

And below are some jokes told in Nazi Germany - From my 'Humour as resistance' sheet.

Some Nazis surround an old Jew and ask him who is responsible for the war. "The Jews" he answers, and then he adds "and the cyclists".

"Why the cyclists?" ask the puzzled Nazis.

"Why the Jews?" replies the old man.

Q: What is the difference between Chamberlain and Hitler?

A: Chamberlain takes his weekends in the country,but Hitler takes whole countries in a weekend.

An SS officer who has just arrested a Jew says to him, "I have one glass eye. If you guess correctly which it is, I'll let you go." To this the prisoner replies, "It is the left one."

"Correct!" exclaims the officer, "How did you manage to guess?"

"Oh," says the Jew, "your left eye has such a human, compassionate expression."

A Jew is arrested during the war, having been denounced for killing a Nazi at 10 pm and then eating the brain of his victim. This is his defence: in the first place a Nazi hasn't got any brain; secondly, a Jew doesn't eat anything that comes from a pig; and thirdly, he could not have killed the Nazi at 10 pm because at that time everybody listens to the BBC broadcast.

Nazis abbreviated everything, so some jokes used this practise to create new units of measurement.

'Hit' - the number of promises a man can make in a time-span of fourteen years without keeping any of them.

'Goer' - the maximum amount of tin a man can wear on his chest without falling flat on his face.

'Goeb' - the minimum amount of energy required to switch off 100,000 radio receivers simultaneously.

'Ley' - the maximum time during which a man can speak without saying a single sensible thing.

And lastly,

The ideal German:

As blond as Hitler, as tall as Goebbels, as slim as Goering, and as chaste as Röhm.

And one quote from the Dan and my three hours off today:

"Well, our coll- or rather, our school wasn't very encouraging" - Hazel

"Alcohol isn't very encouraging?" - Dan

I didn't even realise it sounded like I said that until he told me, lol

27 dresses

2008-04-17T22:26:00.004+01:00

Just remembered a couple of quotes from it that I liked:

"It's like finding out that your favourite love song was written about a sandwich" - Jane

"Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is slowly losing your mind" - Kevin

2008-03-24T18:46:00.002Z

"Didn't the crusades, like, rape and kill people?" - Rachel
"Yeah, well, everyone did that" - Charles

Really old quotes

2008-03-06T21:11:00.005Z

Unknown dates but one of them was dated 29/06/07 - these were written on the back of my refill pad.

"Be quiet Maxwell and his friends" - Kate
"We're not his friends" - Matt B

"That's straight and this is like you, bent!" - Mills?
I didn't write down who said this but I do believe that it was Mills talking to one or another of the guys in our class. It's the sort of comment he tends to make.

"I need the... um..." - Hazel
"-notes?" - Fahima
"Yeah" - Hazel
"Oh, um thingymabob's got them" - Fahima
"'kay" - Hazel
And I did know what she was talking about....

"Isn't Galileo one of the teenage muntant ninja turtles?" - Becky

"Students were revolting, literally" - Alan
This is not a general Alan-esque comment and I don't remember the context at all...

*Having a conversation about Dumbledore's death*
"What are you doing?" - Mills
"We're doing lots of maths and not talking about Harry Potter" - Greg

Quotes I found in my diary and pukka pad

2008-02-14T16:39:00.013Z

Um yeah, probs from a while ago, I have dates for some of them... This is the problem with scribbling them down and forgetting the dates. Hmm.

"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat" - Anna (Julia Roberts), Notting Hill

Quotes with no date:

"So the Whig government was impotent; what does impotent mean?" - Alan
"Can't have babies?" - Nina
"Uh, well, technically yes... but not in this context" - Alan

Doing the course assessment thingy
"So, how can we improve History?" - Nina
"More singing" - Tom
"Alan dressed as a power ranger. The blue one." - James

"I have the attention of a goldfish today, a goldfish that is, um.." - Beki
"A dead goldfish?" - Hazel
"Yes, a dead goldfish." - Beki

14/02/08
"Joe, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Yes, I'm learning hatred" - Joe
"Faye, are you learning anything?" - Stephanie
"Uh, yeah" - Faye
"She's learning my hatred" - Joe
"Yeah" - Faye
*Stephanie goes back to her typing*
Our teachers are so concerned about our learning...

13/02/08
"Right, I'm off, I'll see you tomorrow, it's a joy and a pleasure taking your money." - Franky (Art teacher)

06/02/08
Looking at a student-made 'Land league' poster
"So, what is that they're holding?" - Alan
"Torches and Pitchforks" - Tom
"And what are they going to do to him" - Alan
"... Sit down and have a civilised conversation?" - Tom
Loving it :P

"Don't forget, we work on the principle 'If Murray can do it, anyone can.'" - Mills

07/12/07
"This is the one topic where you can draw 'offensive' images and get away with it, so if you want to, feel free." - Substitute teacher
Human reproductive behaviour and sexual selection - Psychology.

21/11/07
"Imagine being raped to death, it would be so weird!" - Michael

"He only gets A grades because he distracts everyone else which brings the grade boundary down." - David, about Ed

Update :)

2008-01-28T18:09:00.001Z

Stolen from Carol from someone called Anna :)
"It used to be that nouns had gender, and people had sex"

25/01/08
"So, I've got a torch. I just can't call anyone with my torch" - Dan
Referring to his phone which won't turn on/work for ringing people but decided to turn the flash on for a while.

13/01/08
"We were totally rofling" - Dan
"Waffling? Why were you waffling?" - Kat
"ROFLing, not waffling" - Dan
"Oooh" - Kat
And according to Dan I am to be called 'Waffle' from now on. Or something. *shrugs*

NB: I believe there have been some more of these 'You have so got to put that on your quotey site!' moments that I haven't recalled, so if you remember any, please do remind me. :)

Princess Diaries - little Valentine's story thingy

2007-12-02T20:45:00.001Z

"Go and find your own stalker to give you candy. Kenny's mine." - Mia

Second-hand quotes (and yesterdays)

2007-10-04T17:26:00.000+01:00

*pins Emma on the floor*
"How's your Lexis going to help you now?" - Dan

"You're not on a semantic field now are you?!" - Dan

03/10/07

“They didn’t have plastic lobsters back then!” - Hazel
Um, yeah. 17th century... Long story.

“The cat’s usually here” - Dan
“Usually? We’ve only met the cat once before!” - Hazel

“It looks like it has a nipple” - Dan, commenting on his calippo

*turns the tube of glue around*
“I’m quite offended by that” - Dan
“I’m sorry, it’s PVA” - Hazel
It said 'tube' on it and Dan said there shouldn't be any 'tube's without a 'you' on the beginning.

“You just want a gay man to make you dinner” - Dan
I so do. Lol.

Sometime.. um.. before now... ?

2007-10-02T17:22:00.000+01:00

"... prostitution, there are so many career options" - Rai
"Pimp?" - Vicky
"Oh yeah! I could well be a pimp!" - Rai

"Don't just look at it... eat it!" - Vicky, to David
Um, yeah. Random sausage from the fish and chip shop... Jeremy didn't want to eat it.
Well, it was slightly amusing at the time.

Today
"Terrorists are so inconsiderate" - Dan

Good Times

2007-09-28T17:51:00.000+01:00

28/09/07

We met a cat on our way home, (s)he followed us (and we encouraged him/her), these comments were made...

"That's a weird noise" - Dan

"Don't meow, it's not that far" - Dan

"That's not even a real noise!" - Dan

In reference to the above statement in italics
"Shall I just change it back to 'him'?" - Hazel
"No, I'm gay, gender confusing is very bad, it's not good for my species" - Dan

24/09/07

"Just shut up, I hate you..." - Mills

"Time flies when you're doing maths" - Harry

Just a few from 21/09/07

2007-09-23T20:50:00.001+01:00

"What time did you go to sleep?" - Flora
"I don't know 'cause I passed out" - Dan

"I'm too interesting for this college" - Dan

"Two guys walking up a hill, they must be gay!" - Dan

"He's scratching his head, he must be gay!" - Dan
Dan and his brilliant deduction skills.

Boo!

2007-09-18T00:09:00.002+01:00

Today - 17/09/07
"Yay! It's Hitler; I missed him" - Becky

"Lower level brain.. Murray" - Mills
"Yeah? ... I shouldn't have responded to that, eh" - Murray

"Look! My scab is a person!" - Carol
Um, yeah. Drawing on her legs. An attempt to stop Dan and my pen fight. Which really hurt actually... And took ages to scrub off.

"But I was on your side!" - Dan
"Yes, literally!" - Hazel
Yeah, playing bowling on the Wii. I was winning so he sat on me and made me have my go from lying on my side with him sitting on me...

"Women have PMT, Men have too much testosterone; I'm just going to marry a plant" - Dan
Cue comments about 'too much chlorophyll'.

16/09/07
"My dad had another dad when he was little, isn't that weird" - Alex (age 5 - I think)

"I'm pregnant!" - Benny
"How did that happen?" - Carol
Sparkle's 6 year old brother trying to distract him :P.

"Benny, why don't you sit down somewhere where you can spill your drink in a safe way" - Sib
Mother's are clever.

"Why are you knitting animal carcasses?" - Phillip
"Because I had some purple wool and nothing better to do with it" - Carol

"Dad, I'm going to do something very silly" - Benny
*Phillip laughs*
"That would be a change" - Phillip

"They're not hooker boots" But if I were to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a hooker I would wear them" - Carol

Cornwall quotes

2007-09-12T20:42:00.000+01:00

Just remembered I have some! These were from the weekend of 24-27/08/07.

"I know why the man walked to St Ives, 'cause there were no car parks!" - Kathy

Having just gone past St. Michaels Hill...
"Aren't we going to see St. Michael's whatsit?" - Mum
*Kathy and I grin*
...
"I thought we were going to see St. Michael's thingymabob!" - Kathy
*giggling ensues - from me and Kathy*
"Oh yeah, we're mature" - Hazel

"I'm fine, no one tooted" - Kathy
"That's not the definition of fine" - Mark

"It's an acquired taste, which we hadn't acquired" - Mark

"With all this stress I must confess, this could be worse than PMS" - Shania Twain, Honey I'm Home
Dad had loads of Shania Twain on his MP3 and I left my CD player at home because it wasn't working properly...

Today!

2007-09-12T19:21:00.000+01:00

"Harry doesn't count, he's not really human" - Mills

11/09/07
Going through the lonely hearts adverts for psychology coursework
"Look at this one 'Help! I have no social life.', it's so sad" - David
"Ring them up!" - Rai
"I would but they're looking for gay females... I suppose if they don't have any social life they can't be picky" - David

Old quotes... (and one from today)

2007-09-10T23:01:00.000+01:00

10/09/07
"Go away smelly first-years!" – Mills

20/06/07
"Are there scenes of explicit nature?" - Harry
"Naked numbers" - Neville

"What is it about mathematics that makes their hair recede so quickly?" - Harry

"It's like carbon paper, but it's... not got the carbon" - Jayne

Just a couple of quotes here

2007-08-22T12:56:00.000+01:00

"Tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector; goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg in certain places... whether you want it to or not actually so I've got to stay away from hens; it's not pretty when they blow" - The Doctor, from the episode 'Blink'
(Doctor Who obv.)

"Do you think it's safe to eat breakfast?" - Dan

Roswell Season One - Balance

2007-07-11T23:19:00.000+01:00

"Max likes cherry cola, what does Michael like?" - Liz
"Cherry cola with arsenic?" - Maria

Don't know if I've already put this one up but I've discovered that I can watch a whole lot more Roswell episodes on youtube so I watched 'Balance' and thought it was a good quote to put up :P.

"We're leaving now, Alex do you need a ride?" - Isabel
"What I really need is a sedative" - Alex

Running out of titles. This will have to do.

2007-06-24T22:45:00.000+01:00

23/06/07
"I mean, I'm not a pigeon but... " - Hazel
Lol, not actually sure what this was about - was talking about something in Wolverhampton... ?

Don't know dates - in the last week

Talking about the new programming language the computing students will use starting now.
"The reason for that is that VB.net can write programs which could actually hack into the system" - Kate
*various - 'ooh cool' noises*
"Why do you tell us this?" - Viraaj
"Yes, perhaps I shouldn't have, but oh well" - Kate

"You're my guinea pigs, I'm sorry for this but it's fun for me to see you suffer a bit" - Kate

"A lazy student is almost an ex-student as far as I'm concerned" - Kate
Good good.

Um, yes.

2007-05-25T11:31:00.000+01:00

24/05/07
"Who's that man with the testicles on his face?" - Tash
She really meant tentacles (Davy Jones) but it took a while for her to figure out what she said/why we were all laughing, and rephrase it. Aww, bless, I love Tash :P.

POTC3:
*In the midst of fighting (being married by Barbossa) - shouting*
"Do you take me as your husband?!" - Will
"Yes!" - Elizabeth
"... Great!" - Will

From a while ago?:

"Actually this is strange, you're going to start from question 1" - Mills

"We're not going yet, put your stuff away" - Mills
He meant - don't put your stuff away, lol.

Forced to catch up on Dan vids...

2007-05-22T21:56:00.000+01:00

Lol, only really got quotes from one vid as I didn't really think about it whilst watching the others. Oh well. X

ALL QUOTES FROM DAN:

"I do think this is a bit of a man game, so for all you men out there I think you'll enjoy it. Just for men... and violent women *knowing nod*"

"It was just one of those typical bang bang games.. with the, the bang bang"
Waving hands about like 'guns' throughout quote

"I don't see what the fuss is all about, but I guess that men do like big guns... boys will be boys, again, a man's game, Dans not included"
Following on from the previous quote.

"Rayman has decided that bunny should be kicked. What kind of message are you sending to our children? The children we're never going to have!"

"All I keep thinking when I hear the name of this is 'rub a dub dub, three men in a tub', why? because it's called rub a dub!"

"but when you see the duck fall off the edge like that... you can't help but want to do it again"

"aww... killing ducks"

"Ducks are people too"

2007-05-20T13:53:00.001+01:00

"You're my security blanket" - Dan
"Well you'll have to sleep with me then" - Nat
Dan's comment: Smooth Nat

Quite a bit older - not sure from when:
"So you're allowed to smoke in the park but not if, like, the park has a... ceiling" - Rai

"There's nothing worse than a *insert word from list below here* student" - Kate
List: lazy, time-wasting, banging; there are more but I don't really remember them - anyone remember more?
This is the terrible Kate quote, used repetitively, again and again and again and again and... well you get the picture.

"I want to eat myself, that's bad" - Kat 2 (and her tasty lipgloss)

"It's gotta be good if it's got a prostitute in it" - Dan/Hazel (we both said it at different times) - talking about films
We then watched 'The Wedding Date', excellent film.

"Ok, and that makes me a retard" - Mills
Lol, he thought I'd done it wrong when really I hadn't - it was in degrees, not radians.

"4÷2 is 8!" - Mills
"Just wait! Chris is on a roll" - Graham

"If I'm in a bad mood I'll eat an apple" - Dan, on healthy eating

"I still think it's a jolly good night for a murder" - Hastings, from 'Murder in the Mews' - Poirot

18/05/07
"A lot of trees have died so that you could have these revision packs, please make sure their deaths were not in vain" - Kate

*To the tune of 'Close to You' by the Carpenters - say the 'Jeremy' bit quickly*
"Why does Jade fancy Jeremy so, even though, he says no" - Rai
*end song*
"'cause she's a rapist" - Jeremy
"Aw, you're just hiding your own feelings" - Jade
"For Jeremy?" - Rai
"Yeah" - Jade
"It's so true" - Rai
:P

"I was just going to see his penis but it was really good!" - Faye about Equus
Lol, reading this quote it sounds like she's saying the penis was really good not the play. But it's the play she meant if you didn't know.

"Yeah, everyone either pretended to be gay, loved the Nazis or cut themselves" - Jeremy, commenting on the 'categories' of his secondary school
...
"Yeah, I was a gay, nazi-loving cutter" - Jeremy
Lol

"I long to be tortured by someone named Charisse but I can see that you do not share my taste" - Henry, from 'The Time Traveller's wife'
Very good book.

03/05/07
"The Hazel-Ann, sounds like a pub" - Jacqueline
"Great, my name sounds like a pub..." - Hazel
"Or a ship of some kind" - Jacqueline

24/01/07
"And that's what we're going to do, unless we do something else" - Mills

I know that I have a couple more quotes somewhere on a piece of cardboard under a running out pad of refill but I'm not sure where I put it... well, when I find it they'll go on here too...

2007-05-11T16:31:00.000+01:00

09/05/07
"Yes, it's horrible, it reminds me of you" - Mills
I think this was aimed at Sedgie but it could have just been a general comment to the class

It appears I haven't put these on yet...
From last week:
"Well, Dan was here *waves to the left of her* and forgetting I had this arm *points to left arm* I tried to hit Dan with my other arm and ended up hitting myself" - Emma
Lol, Dan had actually already told me this story and been very amused by it

"I still want to create that machine to zap annoying students" - Kate
"Why don't you?" - Viraaj
"Because A. it's illegal, and B. I don't know how" - Kate

Josh's 'practical' comment on the situation:
"You can just ask me and I'll slap him around the head" - Josh

Rai's birthday :o

2007-05-08T22:38:00.000+01:00

08/05/07

"... because psychology is weird and wonderful and vague" - Paula

"We're the best table in the world; if a table could fly, it'd be ours" - Matt
Lol, yeah, we're the best...

"sec²x = tan²x + 1; and just for fun we could do this..." - Mills
...
"This is the highlight of my day" - Graham
...
*in a mundane tone*
"I can't contain my excitement." - Greg
"Oh yes, I can hear it in your voice." - Graham

"Sedgie" - Mills
"Hello" - Sedgie
"Shut up" - Mills
"Okay" - Sedgie
Usual maths interaction.

Evening - Rai's birthday thingy

""There's so much chicken in this chicken!" - Kat (a different one)

"Why don't you just keep digging that hole, you might tunnel out" - Danica

Side note: Met Danica and Bethany today and they're both lovely :)

2007-05-06T17:29:00.000+01:00

"Mary-Kate and Ashley, who played Michelle, were great. I miss them, I love them, and I need to borrow some money from them." - John Stamos

MSN Convo... mm, sheep

2007-04-26T20:25:00.000+01:00

"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
I'm running away now
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
no u're not!
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
Yes I am
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
bad HAZIEL!
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
lol
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
HAZIIIIIIIEEEEEL
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
I need to do revision!!
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
NOOOOOOO
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
GOOD HAZEL :(
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
And then I need sleeeep and stuff
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
thought tht sed sheep then
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
lol!
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
I wondered why you needed sheep
"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" says:
:P
Dan. They May Believe You But I Never Will says:
surely tht shud go in the book which doesn't exist anymore

More for Today

2007-04-26T19:48:00.000+01:00

"Thank God I'm an atheist" - Carol, looking back at Dan's oxymoron quote (18/10/06) and thinking of another one

Given to me by Dan - names please?
"I'm not talking to Kirsty"
"Why?"
"Because I shot someone in her dream and she told me she would report me"

2007-04-26T18:16:00.000+01:00

23/04/07
*talking about equus which Faye saw at the weekend*
"So why did he get naked anyway?" - Matt
"He was gonna have sex with this girl but then he didn't because obviously he fancies me" - Faye

"Oh... I solved a problem which is apparently unsolvable" - Sedgie
The mathematical genius? lol

24/04/07
From my computing teacher Kate:
"It is a bit warm in here so if anyone wants to open a window then feel free... also, if you want to follow it up by jumping out of it, again, feel free"

"There are too many happy students, can't have that; this is not a fun course, I feel very suspicious about happy students"

I <3 Tannya

2007-04-21T16:00:00.000+01:00

"I believe we should have a discussion with tea and biscuits... and cakes" - Tannya
A less threatening version of the dreaded 'We need to talk'

London, baby!

2007-04-21T10:32:00.000+01:00

20/04/07
*holding her travelcard*
"Look! It's curved!" - Kat
"It's Curt?" - Dan and Hazel simultaneously
"Yes, Curt's been in my bra for the last few hours" - Kat

"Let's stop talking about how I'm going to die now" - Hazel
Oh the great topics we have, lol.

"Hey look! It's the London Pie!" - Dan
"The London Pie?" - Hazel
"Yeah" - Dan
* Kat turns around to peer out the window*
"Where?" - Kat

Note to Dan/Kat: If you think of any other quotes from yesterday then please do remind me :). Love you! xxx

2007-04-14T20:55:00.001+01:00

"Your sister makes me laugh like a goat" - Dan, to Hazel (from ages ago)
Not sure quite how goats laugh, but okay then...

I lack the profound intellect to think of a witty title?

2007-04-04T16:16:00.001+01:00

"I lack the profound intellect to think of an enthralling screen name" - Anna's screen name

"Another pastime we enjoyed was Cluedo, the board game which looks at the lighter side of psychopathic serial killing" - Off "I'm sorry I haven't a clue"

December '06 (Off a youtube blog of Dan's which I didn't see til now)

"My parents walked up a hill, I just thought you should know that as they thought I should know that apparently"

"I put my keys in the fridge the other day, as you do, because I wanted to keep them fresh ... really it's because I had some kitchen foil left from the disaster with the chicken"
I really don't understand the logic... ? but it is sort of amusing.

"You should see my artisticness when I'm wrapping my christmas presents; they're... interesting. For anyone who recieves them, you now know why they look like *gestures awkwardly with hands* those hand gestures you just saw"

Good Times

What my mother doesn't know

2007-03-31T13:37:00.000+01:00

This is a page from the book What my mother doesn't know (a story of love and confusion) by Sonya Sones. It's an awesome book and very unusual as each page is written kind of differently like a poem or something. It's very cool.

"Shadow Play

We've turned off all the lights
in the living room
to make hand shadows.

We've got this
big flashlight
aimed at the wall.

I make the silhouette of my hand
into a duck.
Robin makes his into a rabbit.

Now my duck kisses his rabbit
And--POOF!--it turns into
a turkey.

And for some reason
this strikes us as hysterically funny.

But you probably had to be there"

2007-03-20T16:59:00.000Z

20/03/07

*it starts to snow - as seen out our maths class window*
"It's snowing!" - Matt
*Sedgy starts singing*
"I'm dreaming of a white birthday... just like the ones I used to know?" - Sedgie

Hello

2007-03-19T18:12:00.000Z

19/03/07

"I like these formulas best of all" - Mills
Ah, maths teachers

"Move, you bloody peroxide princess" - Ellis , to Scott
Scott had been holding the door shut with his foot - or attempting to anyway.

"Are you sure you're not a lesbian?" - Dan
"I'm not a lesbian" - Nat
"How about now?" - Dan

Mmm.. abuse

2007-03-13T17:16:00.000Z

13/03/07
"Yes, it would by child cruelty but it would be worth it" - Kate
Ahh, even the teachers are violent :P

"If I was going to go to prison I might as well go the whole way and actually kill someone!" - Kate
Isn't this inspirational and moral 'advice' to pass on to your students! lol

*Rian holds up a mini whiteboard with the words "I'm with stupid" and a line (which Jacqueline points out is actually pointing towards him - so he readjusts it to point to Beki - who points it back at him)*
"'I'm with'? Should that be 'I am'? ... sorry, couldn't help it" - Greg
"Don't worry, I've got plenty on you mate" - Rian

"I miss people sometimes but my aim is improving"

2007-03-12T21:51:00.002Z

12/03/07
"Can you tell me what to put there, Dopey?" - Mills
"Umm... some numbers" - Sedgie, aka Dopey
Ahh maths... we are such an intelligent lot :P

"Please, just give me a sine!" - Greg in Maths
NB: May have been inspired by a comment from another class member...

2007-03-08T18:04:00.000Z

07/03/07
"Master files are normally sequential, unless they are otherwise" - Jayne

"Education is a series of lies to children" - Carol
She thinks that she got this quote from somewhere but doesn't remember where.

This week sometime?

2007-03-03T13:29:00.000Z

Note: If anyone happens to have a spare small notebook and wants me to continue taking more quotes then you can donate one as I generally just try to remember them and then forget them, lol.

02/03/07 (I think)
"I don't actually remember ever having a time in my life when I thought my penis had been chopped off" - Rai
Talking about Freud's theories of girls having 'penis envy' and fear of having been castrated... Yeah, psychology is weird.

"Are you doing a rabbit impression?" - Natalie to Stewart in History
I don't actually recall what he was really doing...

"It wouldn't be legal to kill Viraaj .. Enjoyable as that would be" - Kate
Explaining what 'legal feasibility' meant.

Earlier quotes I hadn't put in yet:

23/02/07
"The college paints are crap" - Aimee
"Did you just say you're taking crack?" - Dan

"Jodie, what are you doing?" - Dan
"I'm feeding the grass" - Jodie

A quote I was told about on 23/02/07 but probably happened on a previous date:

*Jodie asks for flirting tips*
"Just think of him as a woman" - Tanysha
"Right, so Jodie's a lesbian" - Dan
...
"You should rub him, like in a joking way" - Dan
"That's a rubbish idea" - Jodie
"It's better than being a lesbian!" - Dan

Ages ago..

19/01/07
*Waiting on the street corner for Alice*
"Natasha, what are you doing?" - Joe
"Waiting for customers" - Tash
Lol, her mum told her she looked like a hooker that morning...

Miscellaneous Quotes

2007-02-14T20:47:00.001Z

Thanks to http://goodquotes.com/ for most of these.

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...."

"Treat everyone the same, until you find out they're an idiot"

"You laugh at me because I'm strange, I laugh at you because you're stupid!"

"Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey"

"No matter what you do there will always be critics"

"Sinning wouldn't be so popular if it's wages were paid immediately"

"Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families"

"You only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough"

"If you do it you'll regret it, if you don't do it you'll regret it, either way you're going to regret it so you might as well do it"

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly" - Robert F. Kennedy

"Money can't buy happiness... But it sure makes misery easier to live with..."

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

"Practice safe eating — always use condiments."

"One of life's mysteries is how a 1kg box of candy can make a woman gain 2kg."

"To love someone is to see him as God intended him" - Fydor Dostoyevsky

"Love is like a war, easy to begin, hard to end"

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down to us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill

"Remember when American moms used to tell their kids to finish dinner because children were starving in Africa? Well, thanks a lot Mom - Africans are still starving and American kids are obese" — Larry Baum.

"Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ??"

"A closed mouth gathers no feet."

"I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got !"

"If I could lie, I would be in marketing."

"I think you should profit from the mistakes of others. You don't live long enough to make them all yourself."

"Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job."

"When the going gets tough, everyone leaves."

"You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication"

"Who me? I just wander from room to room"

"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits"

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste, that's why I save it for special occasions"

"You're so open-minded, your brains fell out"

"Trust your first impressions, it seems that thinking only confuses you"

"Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?"

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film"

"There is only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: The human ego"

Hazel favourites...

"Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself."

"If you don't like my driving stay off the sidewalk"

"I have the answer in my head, I just haven't found it yet"

"Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it..."

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins (The Fellowship of the Ring: J.R.R. Tolkien)

"I stopped to think and forgot to start again"

"If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one."

"You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them."

"It's important to watch what you eat. Otherwise, how are you going to get it into your mouth ?" — Matt Diamond.

"Being pessimistic makes you a less hopeful person, but almost always a correct one" - Andy Bodine

"Two Rules For Success: 1) Never tell people everything you know."

"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid"

"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me"

"Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject"

"My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely"

"Never argue with idiots. They just drag you down to their level and then beat you with their experience"

"I used to have a handle on life, then it broke"

"Been there, done that, stole the t-shirt"

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it"

In NZ

2007-02-10T00:17:00.003Z

09/02/07
"Apart we're annoying, together we're reeeeally annoying" - Hazel, referring to Dillon
"True" - Carol
Isn't it good that we live in different countries then?

"Yeah, you stand up for your.. girly manhood" - Pei Yuin, to Dillon

31/01/07
"You've got a moustache on your tummy" - Samantha (to Alex)

"Yeah, eventually I'll get me one of those wife-things" - Alex

02/02/07
"I was wrong, it's not sadness, it's mischief, if there was a book called 'mischievous' I would have given it to you" - David

"Nah, she'd like, take it home and use it for something" - Mark
Talking about what grandma would do with the urn.

Random quote just recieved from Daniel:
"Look, that man's dancing, he's moving his feet" - Nicolle
"That's called walking" - Dan

Yay! More quotations are good.

2007-01-18T23:43:00.000Z

Random undated quotes:
"I haven't got both marks" - Paula
"It's 'cause you're a fool" - Michael
*Paula gives him the finger*

"Yes Mr Eye-contact" - Kate to Viraaj

"If I have your attention I would appreciate it because I'd like you more" - Kate

17/01/07
Talking about History stuff- basically Stewart not conforming to Nazi ways at the time.
"What would he fall into" - Natalie
"Asocial" - David
"Prostitute, homosexual..." - Viraaj

"What if I said I had a criminal record for violent crime" - Natalie
"Wouldn't be a surprise" - David
*Insert random 'oooh's and comments*

Random quote which Dan talked about, don't know who said this but I think it may have been to a male: "If we were in Iraq, you would be my wife"

09/01/07
"Mr concentration span of a flea... not looking at anyone in particular as it applies to several of you" - Kate
Well hey, it wasn't me, I'm a 'Miss'.

"So remember that in your exam, don't do a Sophie" - Paula

05/01/07
"You had to be there" - Dan
"I was there!" - Hazel

"These aren't made for people like me!" - Jodie
"Retards?" - Dan and Clarky in unison

"Who should have pet Bambis?" - Hazel
"Everyone!" - Chelsea
Not sure why we were talking like this... I think we were actually talking about something to do with Barbies... I think it was because of prawns on a barbie or something :S

NB: Quote given to me by Chelsea: "Have you ever tried to get jelly out of a sleeping bag?" - Someone called Kimberly

"I walk into doors without noticing" - Chelsea
"I think you'd notice" - Hazel
She meant 'without meaning to'

"I put my door to my ear" - Chelsea

"It's his birthday, Clarky deserves to be ran after" - Dan

"Clarky deserves to be ran after" - Dan
"Ran over?" - Hazel
Dan thought this part deserved it's own quoty bit.

15/12/06
"Listen, there's no Star Wars, no Godfather and no Bambi!" - Natalie
The boys were suggesting many different ideas for films to watch - the actual ones we were supposed to be watching were History videos, lol.
NB: Robert Carlyle makes a brilliant Hitler in "Hitler: The Rise of Evil".

13/12/06
"I eat my pens"
...
"Well, not eat them, but chew them" - Matt
How many people do you know who eat pens? Mmm... Pen swallowing...

"Could you at least cough in an Australian accent?" - Paula
Paula was having an Australian accent day, she has them occasionally, she does have a fantastic talent for an Australian accent I must say, she was making us all answer the register with "G'day" and I think it was Kiera who coughed at her name...

"Yeah, I don't believe in luck, I believe that you have to make your own luck" - Stewart/Steven (Both commenting)
"If there was no such thing as luck then how would you make it?" - Natalie

11/12/06
"All the chinese girls did well, all the chinese boys badly" - Mills
"Maybe I'm a chinese girl" - Sedgie

Umm... yeah : )

2006-12-08T18:13:00.001Z

08/12/06
"Don't walk sexily" - Alex, in tutorial
We were talking about personal safety, and what advice you would give to a female friend who thought she was being followed home from college by an unknown man. Another answer - given by Ellis - was 'Stab him' but somehow I think this could cause trouble, lol.

-After Rai talked about her traumatic start to school (her mum leaving)-
"But I didn't grow up emotionally disturbed or anything" - Rai
*Paula snorts*
Gotta love teachers like that...

06/12/06
"Aah! I swear that bush wasn't there a minute ago" - Tash

"You know when you lift up your jacket and you realise you've also lifted up your skirt?" - Holly
"I do that!" - Dan
"What, when you're wearing a skirt?" - Holly
"Yeah, all the time" - Dan

"I'll be laughing on... the side of your face when they do" - Dan
I'm not quite sure what he was he was getting at here...

"Your writing's getting smaller and smaller, you really are going to turn into a girl" - Mills to Sedgy

"Who wants it Thursday?" - Mills
"Who wants it?" - Beki
Talking about the qualifying exam

"How many siblings?" - Paula
"5 and a half" - Hannah
She meant a half brother, not half a sibling...

05/12/06
"If I can have your attention I would appreciate it because I'd like you more" - Kate

Surprise! More quotes...

2006-12-01T18:28:00.000Z

29/11/06
"Here you go, the muffin comes with homework" - Mike
Mike came into the lesson and gave Jayne a muffin... for some strange reason - she was a bit wary of it (with good cause really, knowing the guys in my class) and in the end gave it to Matt for good work. Plus - on Mike's student comment it said 'I liked this homework it was fun' with a heart at the end, Steven added xx on the end of it, lol.

"I saw cockburn in my garden" - Steven
Still going on about the whole cockburn thing... (They convinced Jayne it was a bird...)

"Where's David?" - Jayne
"Go find him" - Mike

"Jayne, get rid of the spider, it's huge and scary!" - Mike
*Cue the boys running around like prats and making a big issue out of it*

28/11/06
"What do you need to bring to your next lesson?" - Kate, to Mike
"A brain?" - Robert

23/11/06
"I saw your phone down there, I can see things down there!" - Jayne
Viraaj was holding his phone under the table...

Random insert: Last week sometime we were in History, Matt was bored and drew a halo on Hitler, then when we commented on it he turned it into a hat which Faye thought looked like a saucepan. So Hitler is now known for his saucepan hat.

22/11/06
"Let's do flapjacks!" - Rai
She meant star jumps...

"I'll do it with you... well, not IT" - Dan

20/11/06
"It's national 'bring in the wrong folder day" - Sedgie

15/11/06
"Your hatred makes me love you more" - Dan
"My hatred makes me hate you more" - Rai
"Oh, I love you. Let's get married" - Dan
"Sorry, I only go for straight guys" - Rai
"I could be!" - Dan

14/11/06
"What do you mean?" - Maxwell
"Yes" - Kate

mm.... quotes

2006-11-13T22:08:00.000Z

Today - 13/11/06
"Why don't I just kill myself, I'll do a Hitler" - Chloe

"Who feels like a chopped tomato?" - Mills
... After naming a can of chopped tomatos after Graham
"I've always thought he looked like a chopped tomato" - Mills

"I'm sane, me; woof" - Matt

"Now, someone's going to ask the horrible, stupid question" - Mills
"Matt?" - Graham
"Can we go home now?" - Matt
Generally the 'horrible, stupid questions' are of course questions from our inferior knowledge of Maths

01/11/06
"I've been replaced!" - Rai
*Dan starts to move towards her*
"That doesn't mean I want you back!" - Rai
After Dan attached himself to Rai and previously Faye, (Hugged them round the neck and didn't let go...)

Quotalicious

2006-10-24T17:47:00.000+01:00

20/10/06
"We're in a whore-shaped shoe" - Dan
Artistic license... he actually said 'horse-shaped shoe' but I thought he said 'whore-shaped shoe' and what he actually meant was 'horse-shoe shape'

"What's my-" - Alice
"Extra boobs" - Tash
Don't really remember what this was about... apart from the fact that it was about the gel bras that Alice and Tash bought (And waved around whilst walking down the high street)

"Hazel, stop doing that" - Dan
Ok, don't remember why this was amusing really, Dan told me to write it down so I did

"Everytime we touch, it's friction" - Hazel, to Dan
Yeah... I was really static that day

"If my boyfriend was thinner than me, he'd have a problem, it's called anorexia" - Dan
Dan of course is at the sort of 'skinniest you can get whilst still eating'

"See! I should be a fashion designer and you should be a whore!" - Dan, to Hazel
Don't ask

"I finally got out of my closet and now they tell me to get back in" - Dan

"My nails match my outfit" - Dan
His nails were black, but due to dirt rather than nail polish...

"Make note, he went that way!" - Dan
Random guy we saw...

Thur 19/10/06
"I'm turning 17 next year! Me, 17! That's disgusting!" - Fahima
Well, it is kinda hard to think of Fahima as 17...

Wed 18/10/06
"I'm a ribbon" - Dan

"Let's cross" - Hazel
"I doubt it" - Dan

Tues 17/10/06
"I'm not a nasty pizza" - Fahima
She meant 'nasty person'

Quotes I forgot to add from way back on the 20/09/06
"I want to live above Cafe Nero so I can sneak in at night" - Jodie
"Don't you think you'd be a suspect?" - Dan
"No; just because I have a hole in my floor doesn't mean I go directly in" - Jodie

"I've got used to all that now" - Dan (talking about people trying to trip him up)
"Used to what?" - Jodie
*Dan pulls her hair*
"Aaah!" - Jodie
"Obviously you haven't" - Dan

"Ahh, foetus" - Dan

25/09/06
"I need to e-mail Megan" - Hazel
"You need to eat your leg?!" - Dan
Deaf that boy...

From e-mails sent to me...

2006-10-21T22:20:00.000+01:00

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday" - Noelle, aged 7

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them."

"Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words"

2006-10-18T22:38:00.000+01:00

Tuesday 17th October
"People called Olly are retards. It's a fact of life." - Dan

"I can't kiss him without laughing" - Alice, about Dan

"Get up, gravity is not on my side" - Alice (trying to get up after lying on Dan and Dan trying to trip her up)

"You broke her leg!" - Jodie
"Don't exaggerate. We broke Clarky's leg" - Dan
"Yep, that's right" - Clarky

"... see?! Isn't that stalking. But I'm not spreading it. I'm not telling anyone! I mean, I just told you, but that was... explaining the situation!" - Jodie
Emma had been apparently saying that Jodie was spreading rumors about her [Emma] stalking someone

"I tell lies, that's part of the fun of my job" - Kate (Computing Teacher)

Wednesday 18th October (Today)
"I'm a happy flap" - Dan

"I'm an atheist, let me pray" - Dan, thinking of oxymorons (He's actually agnostic)

*There was another quote - need to ask Dan, I think he wrote it somewhere...

Desperate Housewives
"Please, you're dating my wife, call me Rex" - Rex, to George
Just starting to vaguely get into Desperate Housewives under the Dan influence...

People...

2006-10-16T22:11:00.000+01:00

10/10/06
"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling at your ignorance" - Dan, to Ben
Hehe, pure brilliance, Dan commented later that day that it was something I would say.
Lol, he's so right.

"Is Freud dead, Miss?" - Yassir
"Yes" - Paula
"That's good" - Yassir
Kinda amusing, not saying I particularly agree, but then I don't necessarily disagree either...

"Maybe he sniffed too much; you decide" - Paula, about Freud

16/10/06
"Goodbye, we're going to go have some queer sex" - Alice
"Oh yes" - Dan

Msn Names

2006-09-18T18:42:00.000+01:00

"NEWSFLASH!: There is no newsflash" - Off Dan's msn thingy

Previous MSN names I've had:

"It’s not PMS, it’s you"
"Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand"
"I don’t know what your problem is but I bet it’s hard to pronounce"
"Just because you can. Doesn’t mean you should."
"The truth shall make ye fret" - Terry Pratchett, 'The Times'
"Faith sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible"
"Lack of evidence is a sure sign of conspiracy"
"Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone"
"Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional"
"My submarine sunk!"
"Cynics are right, nine times out of ten."

Why men don't listen and women can't read maps

2006-09-15T17:48:00.000+01:00

Reading a fantastic book - "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease. I recommend it to anyone and everyone as it is really quite funny and also quite realistic. Since I'm doing Psychology I can pick out the different parts from different approaches to behaviour, personality and temperament, the main one this book focuses on is the Biological approach - basically saying that a lot of behaviour and personality comes from the genes. It's saying how women have bigger more allocated areas for speech which is why they often speak from an earlier age and talk so much, lol. It's really good.
I realised that a lot of it relates to stuff that's happened to me and I can totally relate it to people I know and to myself. I mean, some parts are of course different, we can't all be the 'typical' people of our gender.
An example of something that I related to other people I know is this quote:
"Because vocabulary is not a hotspot in a woman's brain, she can feel that the precise definition of words is irrelevant. She'll then take poetic licence with words, or won't shy away from exaggeration simply for effect. Men, however, interpret every word she says as if it is true and respond accordingly"
This reminded me of yesterday when Jodie said: "Seriously! Tom can't even read!" and Matt replied "Really? How'd he go to school?" In reality, Tom is actually not that terrible in his literacy skills compared to others of his age (16-ish) and obviously can read.

I find it rather amusing, especially the bits about how you have to speak simply, clearly and only on one topic

2006-09-14T10:00:00.003+01:00

"Well... Practical with me... I won't be doing practical, except the parts of the course when I am doing practical" - Jayne

"It'll take me a couple of weeks to learn everyones names" - Jess B (PT - Male)
"Except Alex" - Student (not sure which one...)
"Yes, except Alex" - Jess
"Why's it always me?" - Alex
"Because you have big mouth" - Jess
*Alex looks thoughtful for a sec and then nods a bit*
Well, really you had to be there for it to be amusing but yeah.

“Ee-an?” - Jayne (Computing Teacher)
“Yigh-an” - Ieuan
“You-a-in” - Jayne
“Yigh-an” - Ieuan
“You-a-in” - Jayne
“Yigh-an” - Ieuan
“Can I just call you Ian?” - Jayne
“No” - Ieuan
Starting off with the register and ending in a bit of a pronunciation debate

The genders...

"A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and a woman’s gotta do what he can’t" - Anon

"It's obvious that women are smarter than me. Think about it - diamonds are a girls best friend; man's best friend is a dog" - Joan Rivers

Random gender joke:

A store employee is giving a tour of the new biological store supplying living organs. They go into the brain room. The guide says "So here we are in the brain room, as you can guess, this room contains brains. The male brains are priced quite well at the moment at £3500, the female brains are £2500" The men look smug and one of them says "So, why are the male brains more expensive than the female brains" and the employee replies "The female brains are used"
Hehe, I like this one...

Hitchhiker's guide mainly

2006-09-02T16:06:00.001+01:00

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, you don't need to tell me who's the biggest fool of us all" - I think it's from a song - was on Tannya's msn name

Hitchhiker's Guide (film):

"Freeze!" - Zaphod
"Freeze? I'm a robot, not a refridgerator" - Marvin

"We have normality" - Trillian
"Normality? Right, we can talk about normality til the cows come home" - Arthur
*looking forlorn*"What is normal?" - Ford
*looking dejected*"What's home?" - Trillian
"What are cows?" - Zaphod

"Terrible events are afoot... uh, you must come, or yo- or you'll be late" - Slartibartfast
"Late, what for?" - Arthur
"What? no, no... what's your name, earthman?" - Slartibartfast
"Dent, Arthur Dent" - Arthur
"Well, late as in 'the late DentArthur Dent' *arthur looks puzzled*. It's a sort of.. threat, do you see?" - Slartibartfast (Who never really was that good at threats)

Shrek 2 and Random Quotes

2006-08-29T19:55:00.000+01:00

Shrek 2:

"Who on earth are they?" - Harold
"I think that's our little girl" - Lillian
"That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?" - Harold
"Well he's no Prince Charming but they do look-" - Lillian
"Happy now? We came, we saw them, Now let's go before they light the torches" - Shrek
"They're my parents!" - Fiona
"Hello! They locked you in a tower!" - Shrek
"Hey, that was for my own-" - Fiona
"Good! Now here's our chance, lets go back inside and pretend we're not home!" - Harold
"Harold! We have to be-" - Lillian
"Quick! While they're not looking, we can make a run for it!" - Shrek
"Shrek stop it! Everything's going to be-" - Fiona
"A disaster! There is no way-" - Harold
"You can do this" - Fiona
"But I really-" - Shrek
"Really-" - Harold
"Really" - Lillian
"Don't" -Fiona
"Want" - Harold
"To" - Shrek
"Be" - Lillian
"Here" - Harold and Shrek

"Harold; you've forced me to do something I really don't want to do *window winds down*" - Fairy Godmother
*gasp*"Where are we?" - King Harold
"Well hi there, Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy, may I take your order?" - Server
"My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy!" - Fairy Godmother

"Fiona's father paid you to do this!?" - Shrek
"The rich king? Si" - Puss
*Shrek drops Puss in Boots*
"Well... So much for dad's royal blessing" - Shrek
"Aw, come on Shrek, don't feel bad; almost everyone who meets you wants to kill you" - Donkey
"Gee, thanks" - Shrek

"I have misjudged you" - Puss
"Join the club, we've got jackets" - Shrek

"Aaah... P,p,p,p,p Princess... Cinderella! Here we are, lived happily ever after. Oh! No ogres; Let's see, Snow White, a handsome prince, oh, no ogres, Sleeping Beauty, oh, no ogres, Hansel and Gretel no, Thumbelina no! The golden bird! The little mermaid! Pretty woman! No, no, no, no, no!" - Fairy Godmother

"How do you feel?" - Shrek
"I don't, feel any different, do I look any different?" - Donkey
"You still look like an ass to me" - Puss

"Oh Shrek, don't worry, Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you" - Donkey

"Aaooow! Oh God, help me please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth, will I ever be able to play the violin again?" - Donkey, pretending to have just been run over

"Thank-you gentlemen! Someday I will repay you, unless of course, I can't find you, or if I forget" - Shrek

"It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place" - Shrek
"*gulps down a drink and sighs* I hate mondays" - Puss

"She loves that... pretty boy, Prince Charming" - Shrek

"*continued from other rantings* You're supposed to say I have a right to remain silent! Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!" - Donkey
"Donkey! You have the right to remain silent! What you lack is the capacity" - Shrek

Random:

"Don't drink drive, it's a washing powder" - Told to me by Carol who I think saw it on one of her friends' msn names

"We can come down tomorrow and play the Skims... It's like the Sims but with more calcium" - Carol
Slip of the tongue...

"In your endless pursuit to take over the world, you've learned three things: one, always dress the part; two, crime really does pay; and three, never stop to reveal your nefarious plans before you actually carry them out" - Message from the Sims 2 when they reach the top of the Criminal Career

"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do but a boy's gotta do what a girl wants him to" - Quote from an msn name of one of my contacts
Actually on his it said something more like 'â ĢĨŕĺŠ ġŏŤŧÀ Ðô' etc. but I don't particularly like that sort of typing and therefore go with the more normal approach to typing. Oh yes, and it also said 'wants him to do' at the end rather than 'wants him to' and I thought I'd shorten it because it works better.

One of my favourite bible verses

2006-08-27T08:44:00.000+01:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7